The True Feeling of a Teen Heartbreak

I am a nineteen year old girl who is currently experiencing a heart break. Now many people will read this and say, "You don't even know what love is." My question is, who are you to tell me how I feel? My mother would always tell me, "Be the apple at the top of the tree and if someone is worthy enough, they will climb to the top." If you're smart enough, that metaphor will sit very well with you.

As a girl of nineteen in 2017, it's hard to find a good guy in my generation. Kids are not brought up the same way as they used to be, nor how we see on television. Most females know all we want is a hopeless romantic fairytale love story, brought to life. We try not to settle for anything less than that. Simply wanting all your wishes to come true in the shape of a human body known to be your "soul mate" correct?

Then—they out and become the one to hurt you as you never thought possible. To have you feel drained and empty inside. To turn all your dreams to nightmares that continue for endless nights. These occurrences changing your outlook on each individual, creating the average saying of "all guys are the same” then, eventually trying to find happiness in many others. Just to try and gain some of the little feeling as you once had before.

Nights full of tears falling onto a smothered pillow on your face trying to make banishment of the emotional pain he left you with. Waking up tired and weak, not even rejoiced to see another day. As if you felt that one person was the reason you breathe. The empty feelings, and concerned thoughts of what or who he is doing. Overthinking to the point you are drawn to your mobile device to analyze all and any social media he has.

Hopes and dreams will be crushed forever. Memories will fade, the sadness will weaken. As feelings will eventually fade. My question is actually, what do you do if they don't? Can you rid of that feeling you once had for good?

There was a myth that it takes time and a half to get over a person you have been with. It takes a lot for some to move on from such a heart break, to try and reduce some feeling you had to even think about the next person. Now I see people move on in less than a week. Is that really love? All the time and connection, love, and infatuation you had for him just gone. Suppose to be lost and forgotten for good. Some people have someone else before it's officially over.

Then there's this. Being in such a small town bound to see him. Now think about it. You have to see him and her together on a day you thought would be average. Seeing her with him, as you once were before. You think to yourself is he happy or how could he do this, and everything in between. You watch their every moves as you want to look away but you can't. Building up tears in your eyes trying to be strong enough not to break down. As it's hard not to think about everything he does for and with her as again once all with you. Trying to push away certain thoughts you wouldn't want to think he would do, as we all know he has.

Have you been through a heart break? The actual emotional and physical pain that comes along with it? To the point you actually feel as though your heart has been broken for real. A strain in your chest so painful, yet so calm, as if you tore a muscle in your heart. To hear, see, or smell anything that reminds you of that person? Makes you think and act on impulse to avoid having the thought of them. It hurts I know the feeling all to well.

Now you sit and you think the average questions that are asked to yourself: What did I do wrong? Was I good enough? What she has done better than you to make him leave. Wonder if there was anything you could do to change the outlook of your fate known today as "single" wanted what you had back causing yourself to overthink, and all for what? To come back to reality and still be "single".

You go out laugh and smile, even have a good time. Focus on your friends and family, enjoy the little things. Socialize and make new friends. Engage in conversations, anything to try and keep your mind busy enough not to wonder back to the what could have been.

It's the sad truth that life is too short to sit around and wait for him. We all know if you "move on" you become a whore and begin to be slut shamed. As for a man it's okay. He becomes "the man". So you sit around and ignore all future applicants and burry yourself in the past.

Heart break is something we all go through at least once in our lives. The cycle may be different but they all feel the same. Most people ignore the feelings while others build pain and sorrow. It's heart break that leaves one in a complete void.