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I’m a rather average person. An average looking girl who lives a rather average life. I’m not someone you would actually notice. As a matter of fact, I went throughout my entire school years as someone you wouldn’t really notice. If you did notice me, however, you either talked shit or thought I was a mean person due to my resting bitch face. I was fortunate enough to hang with folks that I called my “friends,” but you know how that goes: once school ends, all the people you called your “friends” rarely contact you and vice versa.
My dating life wasn’t all that great. In fact, it sucked immensely. When the majority of the world’s population date people depending on their physical beauty, some folks are lucky because everyone wants to drop at their feet…. and there are people like me: not so attractive. Therefore, dating experiences are scarce. It’s actually quite surprising to me when someone likes me… but it isn’t too surprising when I get dumped within a week or two. I spent so much of my time trying to find a spouse when in actuality, I should be having fun and at the same time I’m slowly starting to say “screw relationships.”
In fact, I’m gonna play “hard to get.” That may or may not discourage people almost immediately and I may potentially drive my soul mate away. It just sucks, you know? You’re a good person, good listener, give good advice, open minded, selfless, and all these other redeeming qualities, but they get dismissed due to the fact that you’re unattractive and you find yourself in the “friend zone.” It’s almost like people calling “sis” or “bro” is second nature to them. I don’t think anything is worse when you’re in school and someone says you and your crush would be a cute couple and they simply say “Ew” or “Hell no.” Thanks. I’m ugly, I know.
Then you vent to your friends and family and it’s hard to take them seriously when they say “You’re not ugly,” “You’re beautiful, don’t listen to them.” It’s like it’s their job to uplift you and tell you positive bullshit and because of that, you don’t take their word because they’re friends and family and you think they’re lying… but it doesn’t help when your friends and family are the only ones that compliment you. Then you go throughout your life getting dumped and rejected by your crushes and then you eventually think, “I like them… but they’re gonna reject me” and you essentially don’t shoot your shot.
Things get even worse when you begin to compare yourself to other people and me personally… I’ve stopped all of that shit. I don’t care if you find me ugly. I couldn’t care less about being in a relationship with anyone to be perfectly honest. In the 21 years I’ve been alive, I’ve learned that people are shallow and finding good people in the world is something rare. I don’t think people should be so easy to say “yes” to a relationship but they shouldn’t say “no” because he or she isn’t up to your beauty expectations. I feel as though if someone wants something they should work for it, at least that’s how I’m gonna be.
Right now, I don’t want a relationship and I think I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my days and I’m saying this and I’m only 21. If anything I should completely focus on myself and my career and not a relationship that will more than likely not add anything good to my life. I look back on all the relationships I had and they all went the exact same way. They brought nothing positive to my life and only one of them left me heart broken. I honestly don’t remember where I was going with this story, but I guess I had to get some things off of my chest.