The Venom in Me

We’ve barely dipped our toes into the freezing ocean that is 2018. And yet I’ve already encountered a plethora of ridiculous, toxic relationships. So I’ve decided, in my eccentric and dramatic fashion, to write about it.

LET'S BREAK THIS DOWN, beginning with how and why people get into these types of relationships.

The number one reason is loneliness. People want someone to lean on, and they think that that type of connection can only stem from a romantic involvement. Obviously, this is false.

That’s what your friends are for. Yes, you can cuddle with them. No, you cannot kiss them. But they’re there for a reason. And most times, when you want to let yourself fall into something that you know will hurt you, your friends are around to guide you out of it. That’s the purpose of them being there.

Second, we have boredom. Some people think that it’s imperative to have someone occupying their time. This is also false. It’s okay to leave the “relationship” space in your life unoccupied. Truthfully, it saves you the heartache.

As sad as it is, you know in the back of your mind when things aren’t going to work out in the long run. But you shove that feeling down to the deepest parts of yourself, hoping that those doubts and red flags don’t surface. They always do, you just start to look past them. But other people always see them.

Most snakes are venomous creatures, they bite, they infect, they kill. It’s who they are, it's what they do. Snakes will never change, and they don’t have to, it’s their nature.

The same works with people. And toxic relationships are at the forefront of that example. Toxic people vow to change, but they never do. They attempt to alter their personality in order to force things that don’t fit. They manipulate and persuade, hoping to get the outcome that they want. Regardless of the fact that it won’t help anyone else.

They can try to change their personality, try to come off better than what they actually are. But their nature will always remain.

An angel will be an angel.

And a snake will remain a snake.

Some will claim ignorance, “I didn’t know he/she was like this”, and more often than I choose to believe, these people are telling the truth. When your friends tell you to go with your gut, and follow your instinct, believe them. Don’t pretend you’re running blind when heaven and earth knows you see just fine.

If you really have no clue what you’re caught up in, these are some ways to tell...

Control

Your s/o is hell bent on dictating and mandating everything that you do. They try to make all of your decisions for you, regardless of what you actually want. And when you try to resist it, they guilt you into doing whatever they say. They make you feel bad for thinking outside of their realm.

Distrust

They accuse you of doing ridiculous things, most of the time it’s cheating (more times than not the accusation stems from them being unfaithful themselves). They go through your phone obsessively, demand passwords to your social media, ask you not to interact with other females/males, they try to isolate you.

Infidelity

Cheating is an obvious one. There’s no excuse for it. You can’t possibly love a person if you cheat on them. There’s no love without value, and you can’t value someone if you cheat on them.

Persuasion

If you have to sit and tell yourself that you’re happy, and that “it’s worth it,” nine times out of ten, its toxic. Healthy relationships don’t need convincing. You shouldn’t have to trick yourself into believing you’re in love; or give someone “the benefit of the doubt” for the umpteenth time. It will never benefit you, and there’s no doubt about that.

Excuses

YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE NOT JEALOUS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

If you have to tell yourself that they are as an excuse to stay with the person they’re telling you to leave, you should know by now that it’s toxic. Listen to your friends, they’re looking from the outside in and they see everything that you refuse to. Believe them when they tell you to walk away. Because when it ends, you won’t be able to have a good excuse as to why you ever decided to stay.

If you wrap the snake around your wrist and keep it by your side, it’s going to bite you, regardless of what you believe. It’s its nature. As hard as I know it is, as difficult as it must be, you owe it to yourself to leave, before the bite and venom swallow you whole.

That’s my rant for now. I’ve been Dr. Phil for the better part of 2018, and I just thought it was past time to share the things I’ve learned.

Until next time.