Humans logo

The Year I Was in Love

What happened / Tears, waiting, and a realization / what love taught me / what a beautiful thing it is

By Daisy RayPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
Like

I was in love once.

My heart was full and happy and carefree. Which was odd because I’ve always had to be older than I really am and yet... when I was around him, I felt free to just relax.

I met him across the seas on an adventure of a lifetime. Focused as I was on the task at hand, he caught my eye, and his smile, laugh, personality, voice, eyes, everything had me caught.

We got back to the States and decided to make long distance work. We began to date and fell in love... a year later we had talked about getting married, about proposals and the future. I was excited about the idea of it all... but one day, the reality of it hit me. I wasn’t ready to get married, to commit my entire life. I knew I wanted to, one day. Just not right now. I wanted to experience more of life as my own person first; first apartment, so many firsts I had yet to experience on my own and I wanted to so bad.

So I told him I wasn’t ready yet... a week before he was planning on proposing. I asked him to wait for me, that we could keep dating. I told him I love him with all my heart, and that someday I’ll be ready for marriage, but not yet, not now... that’s when the days of awkward FaceTime conversations and arguments ensued. He was five hours away and I wished we could talk this out in person. He believed marriage was the next step, the only step, our relationship was heading in... and I disagreed.

He revealed that his future plans didn’t line up with mine. That either my path would pull him away from his or his would keep me from mine. That’s when he drove the five hours to talk face to face. Neither of us wanted to hinder the other’s dream, and both of us had differing ideas on the next step. So in lalaland movie fashion, we broke it off. Parting our separate ways, still in love, but knowing what had to be done.

As far as I’ve heard, my parting tearful words motivated him to pursue his music, as I had told him to never stop chasing the gift he has for music. I have a renewed passion and drive to follow my dream and to let nothing get in my way. That’s the basic answer I give anyone when they ask how I’m doing after the breakup... Here’s what’s going on inside my head.

Shattered

I felt completely shattered at first. Broken into a thousand pieces. Not because I couldn’t live without him, but maybe because I didn’t want to. I cried for two weeks, then I realized what was weighing on me and causing me to cry every night... I was still waiting on him. I was waiting for a call, a text, anything. And at that two week point, I thought, “What the heck am I doing? My life is going to be epic and I don’t need him to achieve everything I’ve ever planned.” I snapped back into focus and began the wild rollercoaster ride that would lead to happiness and healing.

I have an unspoken rule that is sometimes unhealthy and often times drives me to become stronger. Any time I am injured, real physical injuries, I allow myself only two weeks to recover (Realistically yes, I know not everything can heal that quickly. But I was determined to not allow my injury to be an excuse or to keep me from my life after those two weeks pass). As a martial artist instructor and black belt with multiple degrees, all of my joints have been injured more than once at some point or another, but I always try to stop letting those injuries be hindrances past two weeks. The same applies with emotional punches to the face such as this breakup. Breaking up with the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with someday wasn’t just something I could easily walk off. But after two weeks, I had to move on and focus on what was important.

Do I Still Think About Him?

Of course. Sometimes little things like songs, movies, and even people will remind me of him, but instead of crying, I smile at such a beautiful memory. One of the hardest things is sometimes I can still imagine his arms around me or the feel of my head resting on his chest. The deep vibration when you talked while my head was there. How it felt to sing and dance together, to gaze up at the stars from the back of his truck. To joke about someday (in the very far future, I'd remind him every time) the names of our kids. How when it rained it was the perfect day to curl up in a blanket and just watch the rain. He’d play with my hair while I sketched flowers with hidden meanings within. I’d distract him while he was songwriting by playing with his back, massaging or tickling him. He was so ticklish. The safe feeling I got every time I had made the four hour drive to his apartment and I’d finally park, he’d open the door when I knocked, then immediately sweep me off my feet and spin me around and collapse on the couch with me still in his arms. That was a safe, warm, incredible feeling.

I cherish those memories, and I am grateful for every moment of falling in love. That year was one I’ll always remember with a smile and a heart full of joy and a peace seeing where I am now, knowing we made the right decision.

Ladies💫

It’s a beautiful thing to fall in love; you feel like your living a fairytale or a dream that you don’t believe could ever end or perhaps fear could end... please remember when in such an enchanted world to never lose sight of your own goals, your own dreams. If your relationship is pulling from something important to you, don’t let it! You are strong, beautiful, and made for something incredible! Your partner will join you, support you, or not understand you. Whatever the outcome, you have to be strong and stand for yourself, don’t just think of what will make them happy, what they want. Yes support them, yes be kind, and don’t be self-centered! But there is a point where you are falling away from what you are meant to do in life. Don’t lose that. Don’t lose your passion. Be honest, stay strong, and if you're in love? Enjoy one of the most incredible feelings. I hope your love lasts a lifetime, because that is one of many ways to truly, joyfully live.❤️

breakups
Like

About the Creator

Daisy Ray

I believe the world can be changed simply through the power of a smile.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.