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There Was a Girl

And she had red hair.

By Stanley CordelloPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Am I a good person or am I faking really well? This is something I ask myself everyday.

A lot has happened this summer and I don't know where to start. I lost the one person I knew I could trust with anything and everything. My best friend, my lover and the one who once told me that I was a good person. She was elegant and sophisticated and more than I could have ever asked for. Let's just say my 18-year-old body didn't quite know how to handle it all. This women, this unbreakable, beautifully complicated, scarlet redhead with the perfect hint of a British accent of a women, trusted me. Let's break down how I messed it all up.

The first time in my life that I have ever meant the words 'I love you' was to that beautiful women. The first time I ever said I love you to her was not that time.

She had an ex that let's just say was not the greatest guy. Their relationship wasn't stellar either. She used to tell me about how angry she would get when they were together and that their mutual anger didn't make for a healthy relationship. It was a physical one that left all kinds of emotional scars. She also had depression. Why I question my own sympathy towards others is the fact that I can't even remember when it was she had the worst of her depression. I want to say she was 13 or 14 but I very well might be wrong. What I will never forget is she told me she had locked herself in her room for a couple of months not talking to her family. She's cut herself as well and that went on until prior to me really entering her life. Many things factor into why her depression grew to the point that it did. Some of her best friends had eating disorders, some with very serious domestic issues and suicide being a often contemplated idea. Just spend one moment with her and you could see the maturity and emotional depth that she has acquired. Her pain has been thrust upon her and having to deal with that has made her the strong human being she is today. A lot of this was way over my head. I had a very normal happy childhood with its close moments of dark and confusing times but nowhere near the level she experienced. So much pain at such a young age was unfathomable to me. My parents were well off and had built possibly an overly secure environment for me to grow up in. I don't blame my parents, of course there going to want the best for me but I wish I wasn't so sensitized. I wish I could have related more to my girlfriend.

She had told me that her ex had cheated on her. He cheated on her with two girls and lied about it and continued dating her as it went on. One of the girls ended up telling her about everything. Of course now the obvious thing to do is to confront him and punch him in the face and chip a tooth. That should have been my warning sign. That not only was she troubled and angry but that she's old enough now to do something about. She's a force to be reckoned with.

I don't know why she did this, maybe it explains more about her than I'll ever really know but she would still go and hang out with him and often other people and they would talk and get drinks. This seems harmless enough but practically every time she would do this she would call me to come find her and she would be in tears. The first time that this was a major deal was also the night when I learnt something that would completely change the way I would behave around her.

She came back from her being with her ex, something that she would always ask me if it was ok first. I would always tell her that she was allowed to do whatever she wanted and that as long as she thinks she'll be ok then it's ok with me. I regret this a little and did eventually tell her that it's probably not a good idea to keep seeing this guy every once in awhile

I have lied before and I'm assuming you have too. I'm coming to realize that telling people the truth right away is always better. I've learnt this lesson a thousand times over yet I still do it. Hopefully, this backfiring shitstorm that is the lie I cooked up is big enough for me to really learn my lesson.

May 26 was our one year anniversary. I had a couple things planned. I had bought tickets awhile back for Tame Impala, a psychedelic rock band from Perth Australia that we both enjoyed. She was into more classic rock ranging anywhere from Dylan to Zeppelin (If you ever read this forgive me for not remembering your more detailed and sophisticated collection of vinyls. I remember some Talking Heads, Cream and Patty Smith and I know you have more). This is not to say that she is one of those cliché girls who likes classic rock because it's currently cool to listen to classic rock and is stubborn to listen to anything else. Quite the contrary. I envy her because she is very aware of what exactly she likes in the way of art. I tend to be a follower in that regard. Anyway, along with the concert we had planned a dinner that would be on the actual date of the anniversary.

breakups
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About the Creator

Stanley Cordello

I have some stories about being a human.

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