This Is Me

So this is me…

I’m CJ and this is my story. Where it all started?

I never thought that I would have a story to share with the world and that other woman that would change my life, so let’s get to it.

On my 20th birthday, I went to the doctor with an unusual pain, I thought that it would maybe just be some period pains or something, but I never thought the news would change my life and the choices I make.

As shuttled as the doctor tried to be with giving me the news about me having PCOS, which is a disorder amongst some woman that doesn’t allow them to have children. The news really was hard to accept because I never thought that this could happen to me, but I guess God had other plans for me. I always said that I don’t want kids to my family just because I knew my parents wanted grandkids and my sister would love for her child to have some cousins to play with and so on. I always talked about babies and having a big family with my ex-boyfriend…

I realized that my life was about to change. My lifestyle will change and everything I do from now on will have to be for the best. No more eating junk food every chance I get, no more being lazy cause now I’ll have to look after my body and keep it in shape. My family was very supportive on the other hand, they always tried to keep me focused and motivated just to get my mind off of things for a little while. I really appreciate that and all that they are doing for me.

O, by the way,y I broke up with my boyfriend a few days after getting this news about me having PCOS. We were together for more than six years, we were high school sweethearts we had plans on maybe getting engaged when we both turned 21 next year February but even though we had our hard times and our good times I just couldn’t put him through this as well. I just couldn’t bear the fact that he would be with me even though I couldn’t give him any children. I knew how much he wanted to have a family one day and I wouldn't be able to give him one and when I finally realized that I had to let go of the one person who I planned my future with, the news finally kicked in. Only then I realized that this is really happening this is going to be my life. I cried myself asleep every night cause there’s nothing I could do to change my situation it felt like my whole world was falling apart.

It’s funny how we, as humans, make these plans for our future thinking that it would come true but then we lose perspective of all the plans God has set out for us. It took me a few weeks to accept the new and to accept the fact that, that dream of having a big happy family was something of the past.

I truly love each and every one of them and it may seem that I’m pushing them away, but I believe that only when I truly accepted me and the fact that I have PCOS then only I would be comfortable again with each and every one of them.

So till next time,

LOVE,

—CJ