This Is My Normal

An Asexual Girl's Journey

An art piece I did of Castiel (Supernatural) in an Asexual hoodie

 Growing up, I never thought there was anything different about me. I have a learning disability but it never really held me back. I always found that I fit in with everyone else. That is until my friends started to “hook up” and get into relationships.

Thing is that I didn’t know that I was different because I didn’t talk about it and I didn’t know that there was an alternative to what I was feeling.

I’m not even sure how I found out about asexuality because no one talked about it at all. I’m pretty sure it was just a Google search one night. That search resulted in a metaphorical lightning bolt hitting me. It was like I had finally labeled something that had been lingering for my whole life. Being asexual in our modern culture is quite difficult and has a lot of stigma around it. I personally find my escape with fictional characters such as Castiel (Supernatural), Sherlock holmes (Sherlock), and The Doctor (Doctor Who). Those are just a few examples but they really stand out to me as I watched Sherlock and Doctor Who before I had come out as asexual and continue to give me strength in some truly dark times.

Fiction has been my retreat for as long as I can remember. Sometimes the world can be overwhelming. Everyone seems to want the same thing and being one of the few who don’t want that can be truly lonely. Seeing people like me on screens especially on my favorite shows being the heroes and not apologizing for who they are is truly inspiring. Sure I’d love for the word “asexual” to be said in relation to any of the characters but I guess I’ll take what I can get for now.

I’m not interested in being seen as “hot” or “sexy” I want to be seen as “interesting” or “beautiful.” I want people to get past the fixation that our society has developed around sex and that is the most important thing in a romantic relationship. We shouldn’t just be looking at someone for their body but for their soul and the connection we share with them for that is what is truly magical.

I have had a lot of encounters online where people have been rude about my sexuality and I know it’s mainly because they don’t understand it. As a society, we need to develop a way of teaching people to listen without judgement for that could solve so many problems in this world. 

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