Time, Love, and Emotions

Have you ever sat there after a long period of time and wondered to yourself why you cant stop thinking of a person; or why when you hear a song on the radio, your mind suddenly goes to a memory of that person? The body and mind never really forget anything, just hides in your subconscious.

I have wondered why one person would pop in and out of my mind from time to time. Its been 11 years since this person and I first fell for each other. In the beginning he was this handsome guy, loved the outdoors and loved to mountain bike. He was funny and caring and knew how to effortlessly have fun. But really how often do teenage relationships last. He was the first guy I ever truly loved. Things went south a little while down the road and I was devastated. All of a sudden this man was out of my life, every memory of us eating away at me and I never thought I could ever love anyone again since the pain was just too much but like everyone told me, eventually the pain eased and I went on with my life.

As the years passed he had had a couple children and so had I. Relationships just didn't seem to work out for me. So after my last child and a scary relationship afterwards, I decided that being single was not the worst thing, maybe the best thing for me. I could focus on my career and my relationship with my children. And just when I thought everything was going great and I was content being single, he pops up on my Facebook friend suggestions. Of course my brain was going crazy with this and I had to add him. I thought that after 11 years I was over him because I didn't feel the pain or hurt anymore as I just felt at peace. Well, I was very wrong about those feelings. We got to talking and catching up as it had been so long since we spoke and as time went on those emotions came back ten-fold. It sucked as we were separated by a whole province at that time but we continued to chat and FaceTime. It was like that 11 years had not passed at all; the only difference was that we were older and more mature. Time all started to blur together with him again. Didn't know if this was real or my mind playing games on me but I loved it. This man was making me fall head over heels for him AGAIN. Sent me flowers and booked flights to fly out and spend time with me and everything else making me so happy that finally this man was back in my life. He and I were different then we were back then in some ways but we were the same crazy kids head over heels for each other.

So the moral to the story here is that yes, time will heal your pain and sometimes the feelings you once had, but sometimes your mind will just tuck those feelings into the back of your subconscious and help you to move on. If you ever get so lucky as to have those emotions come back (after some serious thought on why you were apart in the first place and nothing insane had caused it like abuse or anything like that) then let it happen. Don't second guess or over analyze the situation. We only have one life and in that life we all deserve to do what ever makes us happy and safe. So grab life by the horns and go for the ride because if your not living, then that's not a life.