Tinder Nightmare

Written January 18, 2018.

Tinder. It's where all the wrong people look for peopleFor all the wrong reasons...I thought I learned my lesson.After every season's worth of liars,Of emotionally manipulative people.Do they not know that one does not necessarily NEEDTo be on a DATING app for the sole purpose of intercourse?And every time I turned them down, they'd beat me downAdding insults to injuries of memories past.It's their own fault that their own games never last,Never getting past my own cold, logical mind.It’s my own fault for letting it hurt me more than it needs to.

One day in June, however, I struck gold.There he was, a Greek-like god with a chiseled face,A blonde, flowing mane; with respect worthy of my time.A man worthy of pursuing. A man worthy of me.That right swipe felt so good at first.Little did I know it would be the worst.We talked for days, nights, and in between his shifts at work.We talked about our pasts, our insecurities.We talked about the corruption in this world.We talked about the kind of people I grew wary of.Thus my infatuation and desire grew, and I could tellHe wanted to see me too.

Living in Jersey with no car often creates problems,Especially with a man so enchanting living a state away.I gave our date a go anyway. I Ubered my butt there.There he was. The kind of man you doubt even exists.The ones on TV, the ones of which we dream;With a gleam in our eyes as bright as the universe.The kind with deep-sea-blue eyes, the kindWith a smooth-bass type of voice.The kind who was kind-hearted yet sensualYet hilariously cute.Yet, things went from 0 to 100 real quick.Too quick. Too unexpected.

He started trying to feel me upThe minute I was wrapped in his arms.I didn't mind it. I don't think I would have mindedWere it not for him proceeding to try to undress me.I stopped him, my anger and indignation risingAs I realized this was the only thing he wanted all along.How dare he play the fool all along.I pushed him away, nearly shouting.

I felt like breaking down, getting back up, and slapping him.I didn’t, because after all he still paid for my lunch.He still paid for my Uber ride home.He still acted like a decent human being before this mess occurred.He's the one who wanted a "date."I should've known all that chivalry was merely bait.I should have left his dignity hanging from his front gate.I fled Long Island faster than I was able to rememberHis exact address.

So much for revenge. So much for righting his wrongs.

In my hurry I left my favorite, beaten up, worn out, black leather jacket.I guess that's what happens when things no longer serve a purpose.You leave them behind, as memories aloneAre too much for your heart to bear.My jacket is much better off living there,With the last person who showed me he never truly cared.

My mama would have had a heart attack if she knew what transpired.It’s why I made it back home in the nick of time.She was close to home when I left, and I had very little time leftTo make it back before she did.I’m glad I walked through my door minutes before she did.So I hid. I hid in my bathroom to let out a few tears.Tears of frustration for being a fool yearning for sincerity.He then ghosted me to mess with my sanity.

I thus confronted him a few days - perhaps even a week - later.Asked him why he suddenly cut communication.He dodged the question like it was an investigation.I then knew all the answers to my doubts and questions.The red flags he spewed in my face then,Made me raise my tainted white flag in utter surrender.The realization hit me harder than leaving my home country of Ecuador.I was not the only one he wanted.And I wasn’t even wanted for something real.

That darn Scorpio…I should have learned my lessonAfter my “happily ever after” walked out my heart’s door,Adding insult to injury by keeping me away from his now-ex best friend.Hurting me further by parading his conquests in school hallways,At school events, and all around town.Acting as if I wasn't worth a dime, lying about me being his first time.This first Scorpio is the reason why I am wary of people now.

I know it’s not good to dwell on the past.I have realized that I will never get the closure I needBy analyzing my past to death.I see, I feel, I perceive the world in a much different wayThan most millennials ever could.But maybe analyzing is the death that works best for me.I write it out, stunning my loved ones every time.I guess it’s that Virgo paradox at play.I let it out and let it go. I have a few books filled to the brim,With all the truths I have come to adore.

I took a picturesque quote off of his Instagram page.The quote read: “Fools take a knife and stab people in the back.The wise take a knife and cut themselves free from the fools.”I turned it into a blade pointed back at him,A double-edged weapon indicating my own pain.I would share it here, I would share it there;Yet I’m simply scared of what the world would think of meThis time around.

Those darn Scorpios surely

Turned my world upside down.I got carried away by my emotions; my desires.It’s why I’m going to focus on myself, and only myselfFor a good long while.Hence I leave with this blurb from my poem about him:“Truth and loyalty should go hand in hand, butIt seems most people don't understand...

So tell me if I’m the fool for believing you,Or the wise man for walking away,Because I ain’t the only one you want anyway.And I’m tired of things ending up this way.”

#MyWorstDate