Humans is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.
How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.
How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.
To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.Show less
You can find a thousand ways to reach your goals, but helping someone you love reach theirs doesn't come with a manual. We all want to see our husbands happy, and with a sense of well being. It's just good for their souls. We want to be their strength, especially if we see that they are kind of stuck in a rut. Nagging is undoubtedly not the way to motivate them, and it does nothing for the health of your marriage. Nurturing your marriage should always come first. You want to be a positive source of strength for your husband, someone he can count on for better or for worse. So, how do you help your husband reach his goals without being too pushy? Here are a few real-world suggestions that will get you started, and the rest tends to fall into place naturally. You develop an unspoken rhythm that will take a life of its own as long as you remain supportive and head in a positive direction.
One of the most important things you will want to remember is to be encouraging. Encouragement can move mountains of doubt, and eliminate procrastination quicker than anything else. Support his dreams, and his goals. Never, no matter how foolish it may sound, should you tell him that his goal is irrelevant. If they are unrealistic goals, and you feel the situation needs to be addressed then choose your words carefully. You do not want him to be paralyzed by obstacles that may or may not present themselves, and you do not want him feeling as if he can not come to you for risk of being chastised. You need to make it clear that you are his safe place. He should be able to tell you anything.
With that being said, there is a time and a place for constructive criticism, and pushing him out of a comfort zone, but make sure that is used as a last case solution. This should never be the go-to solution that you often choose. This way, when you do have to voice your opinion, he will respect that you would not do so unless it was something that you were genuinely concerned over. Make sure that you have chosen the right time and place, and that you remain calm. Pick your battles wisely.
Listen when he speaks, and require he do the same. Don't use "you" but "we" or "I" statements to avoid his getting defensive. A dialogue will go much further than a monologue. It should be a discussion, and not an intervention. Offer solutions, and be a support system through whatever he is facing, encourage, and end the conversation in a loving and supportive way. Entertain his thoughts, ideas, and try to understand his concerns. Being an active listener can go farther than being heard. Sometimes all they need is to talk it through out loud to see what they need to do, and when they come to the realization on their own, it can be compelling.
The tough part will be if they ask you to back off, at which time you would have to take a step back, and consider a different way to show your love and support while nudging him silently towards his goals. It may be that he just needs to know that you are there if he needs you.
Give him time to conclude for himself, and remain supportive. It's a scientifically proven fact that being encouraged by someone we love to pursue goals turns the tables in our favor. You can even help him come up with some strategies. For instance, if he has been hankering to fix his “pride and joy” Corvette in the garage, be supportive of his goal. The trick is to plant the seed. Maybe when surfing the internet, you can pull up a website like RPI Designs. Mention that they have some pretty great selections on there, and get him involved, and ultimately, motivated.
Suggest he call his best buddy over for a guy day, and make them sandwiches, chips, and fetch them a few beers while they do guy stuff. Before you know it, he will be making plans. Getting that longtime goal met will do wonders for his sense of well being. That is ultimately your goal. It is not about crossing off the to-do list. It is about restoring his inner strength, his peace, and his emotional health.
It is a journey towards fulfillment and true happiness. Believe it or not, guys decompress far differently than we do, and that may be just what the doctor ordered to motivate him towards achieving other goals, while also strengthening your relationship. Dare to break free of the box, and society's expectations, and set your motivation to match his. Lead by example, and you can’t go wrong.
Be His Strength
Help him maintain his willpower, and not become distracted. If he has decided to exercise more, then encourage him to join you for 30 minutes on the treadmill before the morning shower, or ask him to go on the afternoon walk rather than settling down in the lazy boy for the night with the remote. Don't make a big deal of it if he doesn't the first time or two that you offer.
Cook healthier meals for everyone to show him you are in it with him. That will motivate him and redirect him. If he is attempting to stop smoking, then avoid putting him in positions where people will be smoking, or where there will be added stress. You must master the art of redirecting without controlling, or it could be taken negatively and backfire.
You are not entitled to control their actions or nag them; you want to encourage and support them, even if they fail a time or two. Be his peace, and let him know you're his biggest cheerleader. Be helpful, but be subtle.
In many cases, you have been nudging all along, and he thinks it's his idea. That's a good thing—you know your hard work has paid off, and nothing has been taken from him by way of the feeling he will have when he has reached that goal. You want it to be his victory. This will motivate him to keep going more than feeling he owes someone else for the win. He should not just be a player in the game of his own life.
Allow him to keep control, be his backup. You will see the difference this will make.
Remember, They Are Still His Goals
The roof needs to be fixed, the kitchen door squeaks, and the gutters are in significant need of cleaning. The question is, are these your goals or his? Sure, you may need him to help you with those things, but if you see it isn't happening, mention that you are looking to hire a handyman to see to these small projects, rather than harping on him to get them done. This can become a consuming disaster that will steal away his willpower to do anything other than escape through his TV or gaming system.
Speaking of gaming, maybe he has promised to get up and be more active, and spend less time on electronics, but you do not see a significant change. These are things that do affect you as well, so you have a right to speak up, but you should not do so negatively. Speaking of the solution with suggestions is always a better method, gaining far more positive results.
At the end of the day, these are his goals and his journey. Don’t make them yours. There is no place for negativity. Be positive, be loving, and be kind. He will appreciate you for it, win or lose. Use constructive criticism only when it is necessary.
Again, we don't want to see our husbands get in a rut, a depression, or become unhappy. If they need a gentle nudge, then be creative with when you decide to nudge him. Be gently honest, and offer solutions, rather than dwelling on problems. Remember, he has external issues that he may not share with you, so be understanding if he seems a little off, and don't take it personally. This could present more distraction and stress.
If he needs a little space, then give it to him. If he needs a little extra love and attention, then give it to him. You will know the signs, after all, sometimes we know them better than they know themselves. Our journey is one we will make together, while remaining independent of one another, so make it the best that you can for yourself and one another.