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To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

By SkylerPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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To All The Boys I've Loved Before is a cute little teen romance film. Many adults who grew up with John Hughes and other fun, 80s teenage date films like Can't Buy Me Love will easily fall for it. At the same time the movie succeeds in being relevant and modern as well. The cast is insanely diverse, we have a single father and plenty of usage of social media. But I am not here to discuss that; instead, To All The Boys I've Loved Before carries a powerful theme. This theme spans across all ages and all people.

Lara Jean (Lana Condor), shares an interesting conversation one night with her um, 'boyfriend', Peter (Noah Centineo)....

Lara Jean: So, love and dating? I love to read about it, and it's fun to write about and to think about in my head, but when it's real...Peter: What, it's scary?Lara Jean: Yeah.Peter: Why? Why is that scary?Lara Jean: 'Cause the more people you let into your life, the more that can just walk right out.

I believe this is the one fear we as human beings always ponder and most have unfortunately faced! The idea of people leaving your life is more painful than actual pain. Being the social creatures we are, we crave meaningful, affectionate, interpersonal relationships. We will gladly take a broken leg over a broken heart. Simultaneously, we are also highly irrational and emotional beings as well. Logically speaking, we can survive without certain people in our life but that's not what our heart tells us.

I do believe the crux of Lara Jean's argument goes deeper than just simple romantic relationships though. Here is a young girl who had to bury her mother at an early age. She is the second oldest daughter, making her second in charge once her big sister, Margot (Janet Parrish) leaves. In fact, this is what happens as Margot leaves for college overseas. Lara Jean cannot help but feel with beloved family exiting her life she will eventually be alone. Going back to loss of her mother, this gives Lara Jean a feeling of isolation and fear, especially in the word of dating, which is something one would assume a mother could help her daughter prepare for.

Another loss worth highlighting is that of Josh (Israel Broussard), Margot's ex-boyfriend. We have an interesting case here given Lara Jean and Josh were always good friends for years, but unbeknown to Josh, Lara Jean had a crush on him. Her feelings continue as plays third wheel to Josh and Margot, to their eventual breakup as well. With the breakup and her sister overseas, this only makes things more awkward. She feels if Josh is out of Margot's life, then he must also be out of her own life. Understandable, for she loves and respects her big sister. Lara Jean wants to keep Josh in her life, and he wants to continue to exist within her life as well, but feeling the pressure of having to put family first, she becomes the one to "just walk right out."

I do think Lara Jean is missing one important detail in her thought process on all of this. Yes, at times people walk out, but sometimes for the best. Other circumstances have a person possibly walking out but only temporarily, like Margot. Permanent farewells, like that of her mother, may be tragic but the loss does not erase any impact that person made on your life. Believe it or not, we can sometimes take a lot from the people who do walk out. We can learn from them, learn what to and what not to do for next time.

What is also interesting is that the release of Lara Jean's letters lead to the opposite of people walking out of her life. As mentioned earlier, Josh still wants to play a supporting role in her life, even if it is as friend. Lucas (Trezzo Mahoro), although gay and turns down her letter, comes back into her life as a supporting friend and something of a wingman you could say. Finally, she gets the boy of her dreams, Peter, by the end.

True, it is possible the more people can walk out if you invite more people into your life. It is just basic statistics in a sense. However, would you prefer the alternative of not inviting anyone into your life? Life isn't meant to spent sitting idly by watching old re-runs and daydreaming. That is hardly living and embracing life at all. Yes, such a lifestyle will not lead to heartache, sure. It can still lead to depression due to the lack of fun, activity or socialization at all. Again, we humans are social creatures who crave interpersonal relationships. Therefore, I guess the lesson is if you don't invite people into your life at all, then you will not really enjoy life much at all.

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About the Creator

Skyler

Full-time worker, history student and an avid comic book nerd.

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