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To My Current Crush

The thought of you...

Rule #1: Negative judgment is not welcomed while reading this blog post. So rid your thoughts or words such as “This girl needs to get a life, or she needs Jesus etc.” So please don’t worry about my priorities, and stick to just reading this blog post with an open mind.

Rule #2: Your curiosity of who is it will forever stay as a wonder. So do not bother to ask me personally or whatever device you have available. The guessing game will be pointless from your end.

Now that I’ve set two essential rules, let me say this:

This is not a confession speech nor is it a love letter, not even close. It is simply a bundle of thoughts that a 19 year old brown girl naturally possesses. I’m sure without a doubt that many girls can relate. I comfortably sit on the table of "I will never do anything about it." While surrounded by other tables such as "we have a thing – whatever that means for the both of them," "it’s complicated," "we’re a couple…" etc. So you get the picture. What is my point? I am one of many girls that pursues the first base of liking someone, but chooses not to run for second or third base. So I’ll cling to the fact that I like a person, because there is no wrong in that. If someone else tells you otherwise all you can do is appreciate the fact that they’re looking out for you. Will I do better? I don’t have a definite answer, but in time I will move out of the table for one and make it for two. But just for now I’ve written something down and it’s called...

To my current crush

I will never be able to say “Hi,” to you as often as I wish. Or even hold a conversation with you that’s filled with laughter, seriousness, and realness. I only glimpse at you from afar because I never want to be obvious. Don’t get ahead of yourself, I’m not in love with you. I don’t know you enough to be in that position.

So what am I saying...

A smile appears just by the thought of you,

Countless times I’d wish I never felt this way,

Unexpectedly I’m staring into space,

“Why you smiling?” “Nothing,” is the instant response.

The thought of you stays imprisoned in my mind.

Which sucks—You can only wonder or never care, and still never know.

I sit on the table of "I will never do anything about it" and be hopeful, yet come to the conclusion that it’ll never happen.

No doubt I do speak about you, but just a little bit.

Boldness exists in everything else in my life except when it comes to you.

I’m bold enough to write it on paper.

Even on a blog post for goodness sake.

But the only way those three simple words will be free from the limitations of ink and paper is through speech.

Through my mouth. But I don’t think I can.

The thought of you will pass in time. And in time you’ll be put in the back left-hand corner of my mind piled up with other ex-crushes from previous years.

That’ll never be brought to light.

You must be wondering why am I writing about this? What is your purpose?

I specifically wrote this piece/blog post to make it known that there is a possibility that I’m not the only one feeling this way. If there are no volunteers, I’m the only one brave enough to admit it. To say those three simple words to that certain someone can be easy or difficult depending on the person. If you’re going for it, go right ahead I’ll be cheering you on. If not, that’s okay too. You’re wondering will I ever get over it. Yes! It is possible. How? Time. I got over someone I liked for 2 years, now that I look back at it, my 19 year old self is asking my 13 year old self “What were you thinking?” In those moments you thank God that you literally dodged not one but many bullets. Unfortunately, I don’t have advice on how to come out to your crush because I’ve only done it once. It was during a time when I was probably 14. I’m 19 and what do I even know about crushes... Not much. But I’m a lot wiser, I’m making better choices and looking at the world from a different perspective. There is honestly more to life than what you think. You only see what you want to see. Of course you can like someone... but honey the wait will be worth it. Have a little fun before you settle down, because life is just beginning to get better.

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To My Current Crush
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