To Risk or Not to Risk

Have you ever been in love?

Did it come naturally like bumping into Mr. Right in a bar or street café? What about internet dating? I tried it and here’s a funny little tidbit. Have you ever known anyone to be kicked off a major dating site which I won’t mention, but I was told that they couldn’t help me because I was and still am very selective about who I bring into my life and the lives of my kids, you know? Safety first. But after being politely told to scram I received my $50 bucks back to boot, so I guess I can’t really complain. I’ve been told I have no gray area; it's either here or not here. I’m working on that just like I’ve been working on patience for the last 40 years.

I can say with pure honesty I’m not sure I’ve ever truly felt it… completely. I thought I did… once, no twice, and both times I ended up being broken and sad. I won’t do that to myself again, so shafted and broken in the process so I coined the phrase "I’d rather be alone than mistreated," but being alone is really damn lonely.

Have you ever been told once you stop looking it’ll find you? Of course, you have some time in your life. I’m a romantic and true Piscean woman. Yep, I’m into the zodiac, an empath, and a channeler of the dead. We can chat about that later. I’m an enigma LOL.

Anyway, so here's the skinny.

I’ve been in my place for three years—the first year and a half I was dating but I found myself in yet another abusive relationship. So like I said I’ve been in the same place for three years. Every other month folks come in and make sure I don’t have spiders. It’s been the same guy, every other month, for 3 years. It’s all so clear in my head. My friend stopped over one morning for coffee and asked if her friend could stop by, I said yes. How surprised was I when I opened the door and there stood my Rhino.

Before he left, I made sure he took my number. We’ve been talking and dating ever since.

Check this out. He started working for the apartment folks where I live for 3 years. I’ve been in my apartment for 3 years. After the wrong relationship ended, I wasn’t looking. It boggles my mind though. What a magical world we live. It’s around us every day—it is up to you what you chose to focus on. Everything happens for a reason. We do make our own destinies with a bit of help from a higher source. (I think. I’d rather not give it a name.) Have you ever heard that everything in life, including relationships, is either a lesson or a blessing? I honestly believe it’s really both. We must make mistakes to learn how to become better people. Without mistakes, there isn’t much room to allow change to happen. No one really likes to accept change mostly because it means we’ve stepped off the path and gotten hurt. Once we learn, we can move on. Yeah I know, I know, I told you, I’m an enigma. Think layers but don’t call me an onion. (Not sure but I hear LL Cool Jay’s "Mama Said Knock You Out" playing in my head, right now?)

So where was I?

Oh yes, so I must learn to trust myself more, even with all the hiccups. If I don’t learn to trust myself then how will I ever learn to trust anyone else, and I like to cuddle. Trust yourself. Take time for yourself.

I’m not in any way saying, stop the presses and save the date I’m getting hitched tomorrow, but I don’t feel so totally against it either. (Not tomorrow.) I’m happy about this newness in my life. Happiness. So in part, don’t sell yourself short. Know your worth. We all deserve it. Everything in life nowadays is a risk. Take a risk on love. Take a risk on yourself.