To the First Boy That Broke Me

To the First Boy That Broke Me

I thought you liked me back, but I was wrong, there was another girl you liked more than me, thought of more, desired more, wanted more than me. I thought we were on the same page and you knew we weren't, you didn't bother to tell me you wanted something else, something that I didn't know you wanted. The times I was in your bed, were you thinking of me or where you thinking of her? It wasn't cheating because we weren't technically dating, but the moment I found out that you had a girlfriend, only two weeks after you broke things off with me, I felt cheated. I had a feeling you were talking to other girls when you were seeing me, but I didn't know you were going to chose one over me. Why her? Why not me? Or another girl? What does she have that I don't?

The last day you were at my place, the last time we laid in bed, the last time we kissed, the last time we had sex, I had no clue it would be the last but you did. You knew. You knew that the next day you were going to tell me that you couldn't do it any more, that it just wasn't working for you and you knew you would make me cry so you tried to tell me that I'm great, and it had nothing to do with me, to soften the blow, to make it easier for not me but you. I didn't understand and when I asked you why, you didn't have an answer. I sat there crying in front of you and you just stood there not knowing what to do. I didn't understand why, because you wouldn't tell me, you knew, but you didn't tell me. I tried to ask you why, I knew there was something you weren't telling me, something you were keeping; you were keeping it from me because you didn't want me to know the real reason, you just kept telling me the same thing over and over, not knowing what else to say. You said you weren't ready for a relationship, that it was just the wrong time, but it's never the wrong time just the wrong person. I was the wrong person.

A week later I texted you, I was drunk and I texted you. I asked you again why you used the words you did, you told me I was hung up on something that didn't matter, but it did. It did matter. That was the last time we talked. The last thing you said to me.

Three month later, I finally saw a picture of you two together, it broke me a little more. Why? I don't know, was it because I gave so much to you? I trusted you. I thought I was over you, thought I was fine, to see that picture made me realize that I wasn't, but you are. It made me realize she has something you want that I don't have. She was the right person at the right time and I was the wrong person at the right time.

You're the first boy to teach me. To teach me that it's not the wrong time it's the wrong person. To teach me that she doesn't have something I don't but that she's just right for you right now. I'll probably never be the right girl for you, but that's okay. You're not the right boy for me and that's okay.

You're the first boy to break me, you did it twice and you didn't know, but I'll be okay.