To the Girl Who Thinks She’s a Burden

You feel like you’re a burden and unwanted because of people who never appreciated you.

Babe, you have to stop looking at yourself as a burden. You have to learn how to love yourself again. You have to re-find your value and confidence in who you are. You have to stop listening to what others tell you. You have to stop believing them. You have to stop allowing what they think to become your reality. You’re not a burden. You’re not annoying. You’re not overwhelming. You’re not "too much." You can’t think that you are ever a burden to someone. You’ve got to get out of that mentality. You have to stop thinking you are. You have to find yourself again.

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb” -Najwa Zebian

I’m sorry that someone ever made you feel like a burden. I really am. I know it’s a really shitty feeling. I would never want someone to feel that way. Because once you feel like a burden, it’s hard to stop feeling like one. You feel like you’re always tip-toeing around people's feelings and afraid to say the wrong thing. You always feel like you’re being too needy or asking for too much. That you’re sharing too much. That you’re gonna be too much of a burden on someone and they’ll leave. You always worry that you’re too much. I’m sorry that someone treated you like that. I’m sorry that someone didn’t know how to appreciate you. I’m sorry that someone knocked you down to the ground and left you there. But you can’t think everyone will do that. That everyone is like that. Because everyone isn’t. There are some good ones left.

I’m sorry that someone made you feel like that. Like you're a burden, because you’re not. You’re so much more. I just want you to be able to see that. I’m sorry that someone hurt you so much that you’re scared to be completely yourself because you don’t want to be overwhelming. That you’re scared to be completely vulnerable because before whenever you tried to open up you were shut right back up because someone didn’t care enough. I’m sorry that the people that you were always there for and that you listen to all of their burdens and drama wouldn’t listen to yours. I’m sorry that you had high expectations for people who had none for themselves. I’m sorry that someone hurt you like that. I don’t pity you because you’re not a victim. And I refuse to treat you like one. I just understand. I know that no one deserves that. And that kind of damage is the kind that stays with you and haunts you. It’s the kind that takes a long time to heal. Because that one word has a massive domino effect in your life and future friendships and relationships. It makes you get stuck in a cycle. And you don’t know how to stop it. Because it’s the kind of damage that you aren’t really aware of even though it affects your future relationships on a large scale. I’m sorry that people were shitty to you.

You just have to remember that you are what you think you are, not what someone makes you think you are. The challenge is not allowing someone else influence who you are. Not letting their actions and words effect who you are at your core. Not letting their inability to reciprocate what you give to hurt you. And it’s so easy to lose yourself in someone else. It’s so easy to forget who you are when someone tells you "who you are.”

Just because someone made you feel like a burden doesn’t make you a burden.

Everyone deserves to feel loved and not feel like it’s something they have to earn. Everyone deserves to feel wanted and appreciated. And I empathize with your pain. All the pain that someone caused you that has affected how you view yourself and think of yourself. It’s hard when you care and love someone so much and they treat you as less than. You should be equals, but you’re not. And you know that you deserve better. You know you deserve to be treated, but you just care so much. You think maybe this is what love is. This is what love means. It means sacrificing for the one you love. It means enduring the pain so they don’t have to. It means highs and lows. But what you forget is that love doesn’t mean pain. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your self-worth, self-esteem, and happiness. Love means equality.

The struggle is remembering to put yourself first because for you, love means selflessness. It means always putting the person I love and care about first. It means always sacrificing for them and put their happiness first because you just want them to be happy.

Someone who truly cares about you will never make you feel like a burden. Someone who’s real with you will want to know everything about you. All the good and all the bad. They will accept you for who you are. Love your attributes as much as your flaws. Someone who doesn’t care will make you feel like a burden. Someone who calls you a burden isn’t strong enough to handle you. It’s them, it’s not you. They can’t handle the real you, all of you.

Anyone can handle your rainbows, but it takes a special person to handle your darkest clouds.

You can’t worry about holding someone down or holding someone back. You can’t worry about scaring someone away. Because you shouldn’t have to. Be authentically yourself. If someone doesn’t like that, if someone can’t handle that then they don’t deserve to have you in their life. Be honest and open and if that scares them then let them leave. Trust me, you don’t want them. You want the ones who help you conquer your fears. The ones who aren’t afraid to get deep. The ones who want to get deep. The ones who after you finish telling them about your past ask, “that’s it?” Not because they don’t think it was difficult for you to get through but because they thought it would be ten times worse and they aren’t even relatively scared by it. You want someone who stays after you tell them about your demons.

Someone who views you as a blessing and not a burden.

“The ones who notice the storms in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in."

If someone wants you, you’ll never be a burden. If you’re wanted, you’ll know it. You have to stop thinking that you are unwanted just because someone else didn’t want you. You can’t think that someone won’t appreciate you in the way that you want to be appreciated in. You have to stop viewing yourself as someone that is a hindrance in someone’s life and start viewing yourself as a propellent. You have to stop thinking that if you show someone all of you that they will run. Because the ones that are meant to stay will. Your baggage and past only wounds you if you allow it to. It’s only bad if you allow it to be. If you let it, it can be very constructive and beneficial. Your past shouldn’t hold you down, it shouldn’t and doesn’t make you a burden. You’re not a victim. You’re not too heavy.

You’re so much better than what someone who doesn’t deserve you thinks of you. You have to show people how to treat you and what you deserve. You have to fight for it. Some people have to be taught because they’ve never known anything else. They’ve never properly learned how to treat people, how to respect someone and their feelings. How to truly love someone. Meeting someone for the first time is like a blank slate. Your past comes with you, but it isn’t your present. It isn’t who you are now. They aren’t the same as the people from your past. And they don’t have an opinion or preconceived judgement of you. They don’t know what to expect from you. So take advantage of that.

You can’t expect others to view you as a positive if you view yourself as a negative. You can’t expect them to see you as a benefit if you see yourself as a burden.

Just because someone said or treated you as a burden doesn’t mean that you are one. Don’t allow what someone thinks of you to become who you are. No one should tell you who or what you are.

Someone else’s opinion should never become your identity.

You deserve way more than someone who views you are a burden. Because someone that views you as a burden will never be able to fully appreciate you in the way that you deserve to be appreciated. Once someone tells you that you are a burden, that isn’t something that you can just forget. You’ll always be seeking their approval and their love. You’ll never feel like you are enough. You’ll always be chasing them. And you deserve way more than that.

You’ll always be trying to measure up to standards that are unattainable.

Stop worrying about not being welcome and wanted and allow yourself to start living in the moment. Stop worrying about messing something up or losing someone. Allow yourself to fully and freely live in the moment. Trust that what’s meant to be will be and let things flow naturally. All you can ask for is completely honesty and to allow them to say what they want. And respect whatever is asked or said without any judgment or resentment.

“Your burden is as heavy as you think it to be."

A burden is a self-created thing. Nothing is a burden unless we make it one. No one is a burden unless they think they are. Unless they make themselves one. Unless they believe that they are one. You’re only a burden if you think you are. Burdens are only burdens if we allow them to be. People and things only have the power that we give them. Words only have the power that we give them. We decide the control they will have on us. We hold all the power until we choose to give it away.

“Sometimes you don’t release the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release."