To the Guy Who Thinks Everything Is a Joke

Dear Jokster,

We have known each other for years and when we always find our way back to each other, the flame is still burning deep inside. This time everything is different. This time, I put my feelings out there, and you laugh. I used to love your laugh and your joking around, but this time, you have taken it too far. This time, well this time, I don't know what happened. Or maybe I do, and I am about to call you out on your shit. I hope that one day you find this letter and know exactly who this is for. This is for the guy who always had to laugh and joke every time I needed you to be serious with me, just for a little while.

We have seen each other on and off for about seven years now. More recently, was about four months ago. The time before that was a year ago. Now a year ago, it was fun and games, we kept things casual, you were there for me and I was always there for you. So what's different? You and your long-term girlfriend were broken up last year and we did not have these issues, and the only thing different between then and now is that we tried to put on a label and exclusive. Isn't funny how much a label can change the game? I know once I asked you to be exclusive and even though you said yes, there were going to some challenges because while you are going away to school in the fall anyway, I did not want anyone else, but you. You are not sure if you can handle it after getting your heart stomped on, but now you are just doing it to me, and you just laugh. Once in awhile you still bring her up, I get it, you're still healing. But how can you expect me to sit around and love you when I tell you that I miss you and you just laugh and tell me to shut up with a playful shove. Sure it doesn't seem like much, but when everything I say is even remotely serious, you shut down. I hoped that we went far back enough that she wouldn't have an effect between us, but boy was I wrong. You were hurt so bad that now you won't ever be serious again. So is losing me going to be funny too? And this time, I won't be back.

This time, two years from now, you will think of me, you always do. But this time, I won't be there to answer your text or calls. I will be laid up on a beach somewhere with margaritas and be enjoying myself. I will just start getting use to the fact that the only person who can disappoint me is myself. Myself for having expectations of others and I won't allow that anymore because that makes me feel worthless. Like you genuinely don't care about me and my feelings.

You will go far in life materialistically, but you won't be rich in love and life if you can't ever be serious. Life is meant to not always be funny or happy. If it were life would get boring rather fast.

So if you find yourself reading this one day, I love you and I wish you well on your future endeavors, but I won't be there to catch you when you fall because instead of helping me back up, you just laughed. And I know that is not what I will have in my life from this point forward.