To the Man I Thought I Loved: The Fairy Tale that Almost Came True

I'll be honest and say straight out this is purely difficult to write. I've attempted to mull my thoughts over over the last month and try to reflect on the lesson that has built up between us, rather than the lingering sense of heartbreak that's fighting desperately to break through onto the page. Yes I was bewildered and I still am ; but I completely understand now the choice we made with one another was that; for both of us to travel on separate paths; and to learn to grow without one another, and our fairy tale eventually had to come to an end; even though the ending was something that we both may not have wanted to hear or expected.

True, it will be hard to miss your dry humor and wit that gradually warmed my heart over the past few years, and the loss of a confidante that I kept close even when I wanted to shut everyone else out; but I honestly understand how you did not want me to get hurt if we continued down the same bumpy and tumultuous road we were on. You became the protector to feel safe again in your own heart; to make sure I would stay stronger even though you knew the choice we would eventually have to make would hurt deeply for us both . I know both our stories were eerily similar to one another and slightly different all at once; and I will always protect and cherish the things we shared with one another. When we eventually opened up, I thought and still believe that you have the biggest heart anyone could ever experience and I know just how rare it is for you to reveal that side of yourself, and it's incredibly, incredibly special and you can be quite the gentle giant when you want to be; and that is a wonderful thing to see; and I am overjoyed you shared that side with me.

Yes we had our light and dark days, but every relationship goes through that period of time even though it may be rough. There were days where I would want to laugh, cry or scream; but you were always there to listen and gripe right back if I needed to hear the right thing; or have words of support that I never believed that I would hear in a lifetime from someone; and I will always utterly treasure them even if you did not hear that quite enough from me, because I was too worried, scared, or occupied with my insanely busy job of constantly playing someone else rather than sharing more of my delicate heart and time with you like I should have.

But darling I will say that I am no longer angry with the choice we made. But I wanted to say that you taught me several things even though you may be surprised to hear them.

You taught me to realize that I am truly beautiful and deserving of love despite my limitations; even if you could no longer be there if things changed, which inevitably they did, and we chose to heal instead.

You taught me that I could be a strong woman who absolutely could speak her mind, even though sometimes the truth was hard to hear at times between us.

You taught me to trust and let my guard down when I needed to in order to feel safe when I was scared or anxious or worried. We both knew how difficult that wall was to break down and stay down in order to stay truthful in our roughest moments.

You taught me how to be honest and open even though reality can sometimes be hurtful when we didn't want to hear it.

To be quite frank, you will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. I showed you support in ways that I didn't even know I was capable of and I'm grateful to you for giving me the opportunity to help me realize my inner strength and ability to love, even though some days I still may not see it myself. When you told me I deserved someone better, it did hurt for an instant, but deep down I knew you were right. My sensitive heart just didn't want to hear it yet. But I knew you wanted me to grow into the little lioness of a woman I have become.

So my darling I have one more thing to say and I know you'll realize it if you ever do read this, and we go our separate ways; as you wish my darling, as you wish, and thank you for everything and I hope you find your happiness too.