To the Man that I Will Always Love

Have you ever been in love with two people? Do you believe that it’s even possible? This story is about the guy I will always love. Today, I am 23 years old and madly in love with my boyfriend Marco that I have been on and off with since I was 16. Yet, I will always hold a spot in my heart for Don. Don and I dated when I was 14 years old going into my freshman year of high school. We only dated four months but we had a connection that I have never had or seen other’s have. He was passionate about life, fought for everything he wanted, the most truthful man, and one of a kind. We didn’t speak for the rest of high school and we both dated others but he was still always on my mind. When Valentine’s Day came around I would be his secret admirer, I would dress extra cute on the days we had the same lunch, and I would walk the long way to class just to pass him. I had lost the greatest person. I never thought that he would give me the time of day again but years had passed and I took a chance and messaged Don on Facebook. He wrote me back and we had actually became friends and had met up at the movies. Gosh, seeing him again and use being grown and mature was so nice. I remember us meeting at the movies and having a great time. He laughed the whole time. Till this day I regret not kissing him goodbye or even telling him that I missed him all those years.

After that we would stay up texting till 5am. Exhaustion didn’t stop us from reconnecting. We simply never ran out of things to say. He posted the funniest snapchats daily and always carried a smile and his goal was to make sure everyone was happy. A week had gone by without seeing one post or hearing from him and I thought it was extremely odd. I went into depression thinking what did I do? Why is he not talking to me? I was getting into my head. I let my emotions get a hold of me and I removed him from Facebook. and that’s when my life changed. I received a message from a friend asking me if I heard what happened to Don. Four days before this message Don had been hit by a truck that didn’t yield, placing him into the hospital where he became brain dead four days later. I was frozen and would not allow this news to be true. I remember Googling what had happened and still not believing it. I had convinced myself there was not a way and I wanted to race to the hospital to save him but I was too late. I had stepped outside and fell to my knees as I felt my heart break. I had lost the love that I had just gotten back after all this time. And this amazing person had lost his life because of a stupid driver. I was hurting for myself, for his family, for him, for everyone he had touched.

I am 23 now and often consider getting off of social media but I remember back to the day of how I found out about Don. What if it happens to someone else? I find out so much from media. I had removed him from Facebook so stupid me was unable to see all the prayers people were posting. How could I have done that? I could have been there day one instead of when it was to late. I wanted to see him one last time. I wanted him to know I was there. And it doesn’t end there. I was uninformed when his funeral was so I missed that. I remember getting into my car the night of his funeral and driving to his parents' house. My eyes were foggy and full of tears and my body was driving for me rather than my head. I had no idea how I remembered where he lived and exactly what street and house. I got to the house and saw the yard full of cars. I felt disappointed and I felt like I let you down Don. I wasn’t there. I drove to Marco's house after that and cried unconditionally for hours. Still till this day I think back on how stupid I was at 14 when I got rid of all our pictures and all your things. Months after you had passed, I found one of your socks deep in my closet and it made me smile. You always took your socks off whenever you came over. We both were ones to love to be barefooted.

Today it has been three years and I still regret not telling you everything. I speak to you daily but it’s not the same. I want to tell you I love you and that I never stopped loving you. Marco and I have been together a solid two years now and I thank Don for that. I prayed to him every night that he would send me a love that would love me the way I should be loved and the way Don loved. I am grateful to have found this website because I can not speak about you to many. And no one even really gets it. Only you and I will. Marco and I fight about what we’re going to name our unborn children. And where we are going to have our wedding. I know that you will be there to walk me down the isle. And I know you are wherever I go.

I will forever love you and our memories. Whenever I see a 4 wheeler I think of me slapping your back to slow down, and I think of you and your parents when I go out on the boat to peanut island. I often think about creating a tattoo in memory of you but no tattoo will ever live up to how special you are.

I love you.