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To the One Who Denied Us Both Our Happily Ever After

This is to you, FOR me.

By Jordan AbearPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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This is To You, For Me:

I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, I loved you. I probably always will, in some form or another. Being with you was the best feeling. I felt safe, secure, happy and most of all, wholeheartedly loved by you… until I didn’t. Our end was the hardest, most confusing thing for me to process. I knew we were going through some things, but to me, it was nothing more than a rough patch. Apparently, you thought otherwise.

I want you to know that I would have fought until my dying day for us to stay together if I had the chance. But what it came down to was my realizing that I can’t force someone to want to be with me. I can’t force you to see what you are throwing away. We had it all: families who supported us, a connection on another level, an understanding of one another and mutual love and respect. I don’t know what it is you have now… pride, freedom, a budding career… but it’s not that.

I will never know what happened. Did my doubts of whether we were rushing into things again scare you away? Did you slowly start to see that maybe you didn’t have the feelings for me that you thought? Did you meet someone else and want to explore other options?

Everyone chalks it up to you having serious commitment issues. Which is funny to me considering you were the one who so confidently told me you knew what you wanted; you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. It was me who had doubts and needed the convincing. Yet, I let my guard down and let you show me how real we truly were. All the concerns, doubts, and what-ifs aside—I trusted you again.

Then you broke me.

I don’t know if you’ve realized now, months down the road, what you have thrown away. Maybe you never will. But to me—you denied both of us our shot at a fairy tale ending. That does not go to say that I don’t believe we will love again. I know we will develop relationships, as great as they may be, with other people. We will find happiness. But we will never, ever develop the same relationship that you and I had built. There will never be a love again like ours. Every love is different. But ours, ours was something worth fighting for. Ours was one of those overwhelmingly beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of loves, and I think we both know that.

But because you were unwilling to work through whatever it was we were going throug—resentment, fear, and doubt—we will never know what could have been. We will never be the happily ever after, high school sweethearts who found their way back to each other and despite everything they had gone through, made it work. There will always be a gut-wrenching, anger-filled feeling in my heart when I hear your name. There will always be resentment toward you and what you gave up on. There will always be pain. There will always be love.

I think that’s the part that makes me the angriest. I’ll always love and admire you as the person you were when we were together. It’s hard for me to visualize you as the condescending, arrogant guy you became in the weeks following. I choose to remember you as the one who built us up, who helped me put all my trust in you and our relationship, helped me love again. It was us against the world and no matter what life threw at us, we were going to be ok because we had each other to come back to, to vent to, to hold. Now that that is gone, the independent, free-spirited young woman I used to be is buried deep down within me and it is taking everything in me to find her again. I didn’t want to have to be her again, as much as I respect who she is as a person. In my head, I didn’t have to be as strong anymore. I had you to protect me.

Now I start from scratch as you go on with your life wherever you are now, with whoever you’re with now. You’ve moved on and somehow came to the conclusion that we “weren’t meant to be,” and that’s fine that you tell yourself that in order to justify what you did. But you don’t know that’s true. You were unwilling to fight and it is because of you neither of us will have our happily ever after.

breakups
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About the Creator

Jordan Abear

That outgoing, obnoxiously crazy friend but introverted and timid acquaintance. I never know how to classify myself. Packed full with wild thoughts and dreams but just shy of mediocre when it comes to the talent to see them through.

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