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Seven years, two months, eighteen days, four hours, twenty minutes, forty-five seconds…. that was how long he said he loved me. Three years, two months, eighteen days, four hours, twenty minutes, forty-five seconds… that was how long he chose to let the world believe we were happily married. Let me believe we were happily married. I will never deny that times were hard, but never did I believe he would do what he did to me all because of you. The catalyst, the newer, shiner, prettier, laid-back beauty that is you. You gave him the reason to walk away, to throw in my face all of the things I gave him that he took for granted. You replace me and yet, you will never be me. In an effort to spare my soul, I write you, I forgive you, I wish you well, and I continue to believe that maybe you are what he needs to change. Maybe you will make him a man. Make him someone who never lies, would never dare be selfish, who for a change wants what someone else wants. Someone who gives equally, who loves just as wholly and deeply as the other. Maybe you will be his inspiration, his muse, and his desire. He tells me I never had it, whatever it may be. I gave him the world, any request, I fought to make it happen, I put my life and desires aside for his happiness and well-being. My one-sided love. My mistake. His flourishing. His escape. His discovery of you. And so all I do is hope for you, and pray you do not fall into the same downward spiral. I hope you really have changed him. Maybe you are the one.
I hope he loves you more than he ever loved me. I hope he holds your hand in public and shows you off to his family and friends. I hope he takes you to the movies, to the mall, to the pumpkin patch, to Christmas lights, to something as simple as a walk in the woods. I hope he gives you a smile and a hug just because. I hope he gives you a chance to say what you need to say and cry if you need to cry without running away. I hope he holds you when you feel alone. I hope he makes you feel beautiful and loved, and I hope he cares for you. I hope when you argue he looks at you with an open mind and an open heart instead of contempt and annoyance. I hope he buys you a ring when he is ready to make you his forever, and I hope on your wedding day he paces the floor trying to figure out what he can do to make the day easier for you. I hope he is part of the team, and I hope he cleans with you. I hope he looks at you and thinks, I must do everything I can to keep her. I hope he gives up his video games. I hope he buys you a house. I hope he gives you a baby. I hope he becomes a true man. I hope he grows up. I hope he learns to tell the truth. I hope he becomes for you everything he never was for me. I hope he really loves you. I hope you two are happy. I hope my heart will heal.