Tomorrow Is Now Today

Yesterday somebody gave me something. Something incredibly beautiful, personal, & special. This was the closest I had ever been to such a gift so here I am now returning the favour.

We don’t need to worry about context. We all have our pasts, it's what has moulded us into the people we are today. The one thing we all share is the sob story. The tale of dark memories that are only divulged in the dead of night to our nearest & dearest after (several) bottles of wine. We’ve all been there, and if you haven’t, I can’t express how lucky you are! Anyway, I’m digressing, that’s a story for another time; for now, to the point at hand.

Recently I made some life altering changes to my life. I was in a world of grey, down, & basically not myself. For once, I put me, myself, and I at the forefront of my life. After the initial guilt faded, I realised you’re stronger than you realise. You can look after yourself, be happy with yourself, and still juggle all your responsibilities. The problems start when people realise you’re doing you.

Because you’re no longer running after people, allowing them to manipulate you or generally stand for their fucking shit, suddenly you’re the bad person! Well, I can categorically tell you it’s actually bullshit. Stay strong. Find yourself again. Fuck the haters and be happy. Obviously this is a process, with no right and wrong answers and no set path to walk. There will be setbacks, there will be new challenges, but you know what? That’s life. It’s your life and it’s cool. So, so cool. Never forget that.

Speaking of life, it has a tendency to keep you on your toes. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Please, if there’s one thing you take from this, let it be that. Things may not make sense at the time—in fact, they rarely do—but at some point it’ll hit you like a bolt of lightning & everything fits into place.

I’m finding my place in my new version of this world. I am brilliantly better than I have ever been. My life pitcher has helped in ways she’ll never know. The curveballs she has thrown at me have been missiles of dazzling colour; helping the elimination of the grey.

Our time together has been short yet it feels like a lifetime. It’s true what they say, quality not quantity. The gift of giving could not be any more appropriate here. Effortless. Timeless. Complete separate lives yet intertwined support and communication. I know you’re thinking it’s too good to be true but you’d be wrong.

When you connect with someone on so many levels you start to comprehend just how bad things once were. Realisation that the future can be bright and fun and everything you ever wanted to be is both exhilarating and scary. You do deserve to be happy.

My life pitcher naturally is a giver; time, emotions, resources to name but a few. That’s OK. I guess. For me it’s only OK if it's matched and then some. Call me 1950s old fashioned, but where’s the romance? Since sex is easier to get, love is harder to find, yet we’re all looking for it in some shape or form. The love, people, the love!

I have been and always will be a giver. Now, this is great when you’re headstrong. If not, they’ll just take advantage. But when you’re as lucky as I am to have such a beautiful, intelligent, one in an absolute million life pitcher, an incredible foundation begins to naturally construct itself.

When I learned that she had never been on a date, my heart literally sank. How could this even be? I was shocked and disgusted that such an amazing woman had never been made to feel like the queen she clearly is. I feel so incredibly privileged that I’m able to be the first to do so. You know why? Because now I’ll be remembered forever. Am I scared to hold this level of responsibility in the palms of my hands? Yes. Will it be worth it? Yes. The level of excitement and nerves is overwhelming. Genuinely feeling like a teenager at my age is an out of world experience!

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not made of money. I’m not the kind of person to shower someone in gifts and material things but do you know what will set me apart from the rest? Me. I don’t mean that egotistically. I purely mean that whatever my pitcher is seeing in me, I’m starting to as well. If such an angel can potentially be happy with me then why can’t I be happy with myself? Well, I'm starting to (need to shed a few pounds) and this is a road I know I wont have to walk alone. Because of that, I give her what I can when I can. I want to give to her what she is giving to me. Words of encouragement, an attentive ear, a secret smile, filling the car up. All these things, when you’re on the same wavelength, mean the actual world.

And that’s all my intentions are, to create and maintain a world of bliss for her. To enhance and create the paths to make her dreams come true. She will be happy. If that (hopefully) includes me, then all the better, as serious great things are destined for my pitcher. And all this starts in a few hours.

I'm ready. Mentally ready to grab this chance with both hands. Doors will be opened for her, jokes cracked to hear her infectious laughter, and she will walk, arm in arm, on the inside. All I can do is keep being me, keep givin, and being/doing a lot more firsts for and with her. But for now...

Always remember, there’s always tomorrow.

From me to you,

Me xXx