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I often find myself giving my married, engaged, and “spoken for” friends advice on how to mend ties that seem to be irreversibly damaged in their relationships. Everything from petty arguments, to custody battles, and to who cheated first and why they deserved retaliation.
After giving what seemed the same advice over and over and over again, in a frantic, almost Courage the Cowardly Dog manner, I’ve boiled it down to one question:
Why do people show strangers more respect than they do their significant others?
In my observations, people will commit disrespectful acts against their significant other that they wouldn’t DARE imagine subjecting someone they don’t even know to.
Has finding comfort in someone become a pass to disrespect, demean, and even embarrass them now?
If so, how did this ever come to be?
And how do we now bring these toxic symptoms to an end?
I haven’t found the answers to the first two questions, but as for the third, I HAVE THE GOLDEN TICKET...
And that is to start within YOU!
Whenever I’ve encountered deep-rooted problems in a relationship that seem to be equally as damaging from both parties, I’ve realized there seems to be an astounding amount of finger pointing and shaming, as well as the all-mighty “it got done to me so I do it” syndrome.
EVERYONE uses the “it got done to me” excuse to justify their own wrong doings.
But as the age old saying goes: “Two wrongs make a shit storm of a relationship.”
Tit for Tat will never stop if you are always so focused on the other person being Tit.
Your focus should be concentrated on not being Tat.
Said tit has two choices: Either stop being Tit, or be diagnosed as the toxic ingredient in the petty pie that has become your relationship. At which point you can fully justify cutting ties and moving forward because NO ONE needs that kind of chakra-blocking, black aura, and life-draining kind of energy in their lives.
I challenge you to stop thinking about what “WE” need to do, and what “THEY” need to do in order to fix things... and to focus on YOU changing for the better, being less toxic, and less of a strain on said relationship... hopefully, they will change with you...
BUT... either way, if things can’t be salvaged—whether you keep retaliating or keep turning the other cheek—and being blinded until you walk away bruised, damaged, and broken... you can’t MAKE the other person change... so your focus should ALWAYS be you being a better person than you were when you came in.
Because the next person doesn’t deserve the monster that the last person created.
You’re better than that.
PLUS! It’s always good to be the one who got away.