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When you think about it, most people don’t always become good friends before taking things to the next level. Sometimes the friendship step comes right after the relationship failed. Then the two individuals decide that it would be best for them to remain friends instead of parting ways and never interact with each other again. One of the most common reasons why people go right into a new relationship after leaving the old one is to ease the pain of losing the love and comfort that they were once getting from their old partner. They do not take the time to heal themselves so therefore they jump right into a new relationship with anyone who either looks good or says the right things to them. Why do we allow our need for lust and companionship to lead us to a karmic relationship? Moreover, what are the benefits of establishing a real friendship before becoming more than just a friend? So I’m going to go over my top 10 reasons why two people should be friends before making it official.
#1. Getting to Know Each Other’s Personality
When two people first meet, the attraction between them is usually sparked by a certain that vibe they received from each other. Usually, that vibe comes from that individual’s personality. People don’t always understand the intentions behind one’s actions nor do they understand one’s mentality at first sight. What they see is the persona. The problem with some situations is that some people fall for someone based solely on their physical appearance, the possessions they may have, or by the sweet, comforting, and yet charismatic words that are being told to them by that person. Sometimes people do not take the time to look beyond what they see or hear to truly understand someone’s true personality. Once they get into the relationship and see how certain aspects of that individual’s personality do not meet their standards, that’s when they tend to lose interest and fall out of love with that person. Taking the time to have multiple conversations online, over the phone, or better yet in person as well as spending time going out and getting to know one another is a sure way to understand each other’s character before getting serious.
I always say communication is a major key to any successful relationship. I’m not just talking about how you speak to each other. More so, it’s about understanding where you guys are coming from and being able to respond accordingly. Sometimes arguments spark in a conversation between couples not just because they disagree but also because of the way they deliver and receive each other’s messages. By having multiple conversations as friends give you enough practice to know how to talk to someone and how to decipher their messages. Keep in mind not everyone speaks the same way even if they speak the same language. Sometimes we may use words to express one thing and the receiver may translate the message differently. Also when speaking about one’s emotions different people will feel differently about that emotion based on their tolerance level or how emotional they may get. For instance, if someone may say they are upset about something, they might actually just be a little irritated or annoyed at that particular issue, however, someone else may perceive that as extreme anger. Thus that will cause them to go on the defensive rather than to remain calm and try to hear out and understand the individual reasons behind their emotions. When you become friends for a while, that will help you learn a few things on how they feel when it comes to certain issues.
#3. Knowing Each Other’s Lifestyle
This one is kind of important as it may truly be the deciding factor on whether two people are truly a good match for each other. Spending time as friends give you both the opportunity to see what type of activities you guys are into. You get to see how each person lives and then decide whether or not you two can share each other’s lifestyle. If an individual loves going to the gym, is into a healthy diet and fitness, and loves outdoor activities, they may not be the type of people who like to sit at home eating junk food while watching TV, or who loves to spend nights out partying and drinking alcohol while not getting their proper hours of sleep. Regardless of how attractive someone may be, if you guys aren’t into the same things, the loss of interest in each other may come quicker than you may think and could eventually lead to someone stepping out on their partner if they have very little morals.
#4. See if you guys are a true match.
To see how good of a match two people are is not an easy step. In fact, this is usually what good people realize after the relationship failed. They broke up because they are just not a good match. This is where those conversations and spending times hanging out and getting to know someone’s personality come in handy.
#5. Avoid the awkward friend zone after a failed relationship.
Even if two people decide to be friends after a relationship is over, it’s not always that easy to switch off that love emotion that you two shared at some point. Every time you come around each other, it’s hard to not feel some kind of emotion. Having a mature mindset can definitely help keep you guys focus on what’s important. Maybe someday that spark will re-ignite and you guys will go back to each other. Even when two people take the time to be apart to reflect on themselves and improve themselves, being friends after knowing you both were lovers at one point has its awkward moments.
#6. Saving Time and Money
Feelings aren’t the only things we invest in when going into a relationship. For some individuals, when the relationship is over, rebuilding themselves means to recover from the debts and list of expenses that occurred while they were with someone. Sometimes one person, if not both people, will more than likely be left out with some debts and now have to get themselves back in good shape financially. Also, the time we spent in a relationship that was doomed from the get-go will never be given back to us. So it’s best to be friends before jumping ahead to avoid spending too much money and years in a relationship that may not result in a happy life.
#7. Avoid the stigma of being the ex.
I think we all can relate to this. Unless someone has never been in a relationship or has been married to that one person they first fell in love with, we are all someone’s ex and that label comes with a stigma. As an ex, you’re probably going to be perceived as someone who somehow did something wrong to the other person by either their friends or even their relatives that caused the relationship to be over. Unless they have been informed properly, you may get some blowback from certain individuals from your ex’s side. Also if there’s new guy or girl in the picture, they will immediately have some issue with the ex and will be less accepting of them as their partner’s friend. They will respect the friends who have never had any sexual relations with their new partner but have reservations for the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Some people think exes don’t make good friends because they think that chemistry between two people never dies. The truth is the love may not die but the chemistry might be out the window. That is why it takes trust and maturity between two individuals to make sure that fights, disrespect, and/or any type of trouble don’t destroy their new found friendship with an ex or their new relationship with someone else. If any old boyfriend or girlfriend becomes a good friend after a relationship has failed, then it's only right that your new partner should be accepting of them. Otherwise, you're dealing with a jealous individual and that is not healthy for a new relationship.
#8. Avoid the heartbreak.
It’s never easy to end a relationship, especially one that lasted for over a year. Sometimes we wonder if we made the right decision and contemplate on going back. Whether you end things on a good and mutual note or even if you had a nasty breakup, breaking that emotional bond that once was will always hurt. However, if you establish a friendship from the beginning and then choose to explore the possibilities of being more than friends, then the pain will be less severe if the relationship doesn't work out, as you will have an understanding of why it didn’t work out. In addition, the friendship itself will always remain intact.
#9. Avoid the tough and crazy times.
There will always be good times and bad times when it comes to being with someone. However, it’s usually the most despicable and unforgettable bad moments that usually lead the relationship to its demise. As friends, all you have is spending time and getting to know one another. Even if you have a fallout with a friend, it's a lot easier to recover from a bad experience with that friend than it would be with a lover. As with a lover, there are higher expectations and more emotions involved than there are with a friend.
#10. Developing Respect for Each Other
People don’t realize that sometimes you can be lifelong friends without getting sexually involved with each other. You learn to grow a level of respect for someone that you’re friends with and know how special it is that you two have not cross any line that you cannot come back from. You see each other for who you really are and accept each other flaws and great qualities. Of course, over time good friends can make great loving soul mates. However, it is remained to be seen until you two form a strong bond of friendship and have gotten to know each very well. Only then will you know what you truly deserve and what to expect from a partner. That is due to the fact that not only you have gotten to know about each other but you will also learn a lot about yourselves.
Becoming friends before lovers is an important step, especially if you’re looking to meet that special someone who will bring some happiness into your life. A partner should be an addition of good as well as a subtraction of bad in your life and not the other way around. Unfortunately, some of us chose to jump first then wanting to be friends later when things don’t work out. Sometimes we get lucky and other times we learn a few life lessons. Love has a way to find you when you least expect it and sometimes the right person may have been in front of you the whole time. You just need some space and a maybe reality check to help clear your vision and see what’s in front of you so you can make the decision that is right for you.