Topics About Fate

Are we truly destined to be with one person?

We often hear the saying, "You only fall in love once in your lifetime," and yet most, if not all people fall in love at least more than once in their lives. It's entirely possible to love different people (even at the same time) for different reasons—this is especially true if contexts are involved—and the intensity of that love can vary depending on the circumstances. Maybe propinquity has its convincing song and dance number, maybe one of them has a better rapport with you, or maybe you're drawn to the challenge that comes with a particular person.

Since love isn't necessarily known for being rooted in logic, it's not exactly fair to judge how someone feels or believes they feel, because only they can know for sure. Even if they're not sure or don't realize how they actually feel at that point, they'll find out later on as they mature. That's why you get people who discover they didn't truly feel a certain way and perhaps had to go through that experience in order to learn something about themselves. Alternatively, it's possible they'll believe they made a mistake or may end up reuniting with that person under better circumstances (e.g. the chemistry was there, but the timing wasn't right until now).

With all this in mind, I think it has more to do with us actively making decisions we feel are right for us than anything else. That being said, there is an element of fate I do believe in. I'm a subscriber of the multiverse theory myself and therefore fond of the idea that all choices we have in our lives are presented to us for a reason—that is, our other selves are living out the other experiences we could have instead had we not eliminated those possibilities. There can be many "ones" that are good for us; it's up to us to decide which of them best suits the life we've created for ourselves in this particular universe.

Now, I have another question...

Is it possible that some of us are meant to fall in love, but never be with that one person?

We see tragic romances unfold and deteriorate all the time in fiction, like with Smallville's Clark Kent and Lana Lang, Nintendo's Link and Zelda, Titanic's Jack and Rose, and Star Wars' Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala. But I would argue that this also happens in real life. It seems as though no matter where many of us end up in life and who we choose to settle down with, there's always that one person who we have felt and will always feel strongly about. Regardless of whether tragedy really does strike or the relationship itself simply was never a good idea, that fact remains the same throughout the rest of your life.

And the reality is, there's nothing inherently wrong with this. You don't have to be with someone to genuinely love them, and can instead be with someone you love a little less. There can be many reasons for this, whether you recognize them as a more sensible match or would honestly prefer company over being alone. As someone who would rather go solo, I'm not going to judge; I acknowledge that everyone has different needs.

The only thing that can be considered wrong is if you're unfaithful to your second choice, and yes, that includes having an affair with your One True Love. In cases where that can be a possibility, it's up to you to be responsible enough to know you've made the right decisions—from splitting up with said One True Love to pursuing a new relationship—in the first place.

For those of us who don't end up with anyone else, well, it could boil down to not wanting romance to be a factor in our lives even if we feel something deep down for one specific person. Some people are just afraid to let anyone in for fear of possible negative consequences down the line, and others simply believe they're not cut out for relationships and would rather focus on other things. These preferences are perfectly fine too, as long as they don't eat away at you in the long run.

Much like the first question, what happens in this scenario ultimately depends on what you do about it and how committed you are in your resolution. It only becomes irrational if it suddenly stops making sense to you, so if you do need to turn to a guide, don't ask fate—ask yourself instead.