Toxic Friends

Friends are great. Everybody has a natural, human longing to be loved. What do you do, however, when your friends are toxic? When being around certain people brings you down, what can bring you up again?

I had a friend who I had known for years. We didn't get to see each other often, but when we did, we usually had a blast. It wasn't until years into this friendship that I realized how toxic she was. This particular friend, never tried to maintain our friendship. She rarely talked to me, and I felt that the entire relationship was one-sided. She was manipulative. If she didn't get her way, she would guilt trip me, give me the silent treatment, or threaten to leave until she got what she wanted. This friend used me. And when I needed her, she wasn't there for me.

Ever since we became "best friends," we promised each other we would be each other's maid-of-honor when we got married. Finally, nine years after our friendship began, I got engaged. Of course, I wanted her in my wedding! She, however, decided that not only was she not going to be in my wedding, she wasn't even going to attend my wedding. I was heartbroken. I felt she had abandoned me when I really needed her with me. I forgave her, of course. We aren't best friends anymore, but I love her. We don't talk much, but I'm always here for her if she needs me. I have just learned to adjust our friendship so that I am never dependent upon her.

What do you do when you have a toxic friend? My advice to you is that you do one of two things. First, you can do what I did. Take a step back from the friendship. Be there for them, but learn not to depend on them. Learn to not trust them with more than you should. Learn that they will let you down, so don't build up expectations and expect them not to shatter them. Or, second, you can cut them out of your life. If the friendship is too toxic to fix, or if taking a step back from the friendship hasn't worked, it is okay to cut them out of your life. Your mental health is important. You don't owe them anything. If someone is toxic to you in any way, it is okay to leave them. And that, my friends, is how I believe a toxic friendship should be handled.