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Toxic Masculinity

The danger of not teaching girls about toxic masculinity

By couldnt leave it blank MPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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When I was 17 I got my first real boyfriend it was so exciting. Everything was good in our relationship, we would talk everyday, he would consider my feelings and he treated me like a queen. We dated about a year, until things turned sour it was rumored he had cheated on me, and me being the young immature person I was, got home and broke up with him without giving him a chance to explain to himself. After two months of ignoring him I finally replied him on a day that I felt lonely (we all have those days don’t let anybody fool you). He begged for another chance and he called me and during the call he started crying saying he missed me and wanted, I was shook I had never heard or seen a boy crying for a girl. Me being me, I went to the trusty WhatsApp group to tell my girl friends about what I had just gone through. The replies that I got that day showed me that girls really play a pivotal role in men showing toxic masculinity.

My friend Rose* said to me, "Don’t go back to that cry baby, how is going to protect you when he cries about such stupid things? He should be a man."

My other friend Grace* said to me, "Shame, that’s why you were in the relationship so long because you were basically dating a girl he should learn to be a man first before he asks you out again."

At this point I did not really pay attention to the words they said, I just went with their advice and stopped talking to him. After a year of dating several boys who would all shout at me and could not express other emotions besides anger and disgust when we fought I realised I missed my cry baby. I went back to him and we resumed like we never stopped dating.

This experience really got me thinking how many boys changed from their real attitude, which was a caring loving attitude, in order to get the ones they loved? I realised, amongst my boy friends who I had been friends with for a long time there was a change in their attitudes, they changed from self-assured boys who would express their emotions cry to get their points across if need be into boys who would be rather be caught smoking or drink the pain away than crying about it. What had changed?

I wondered why, could not understand it. I sat down with one of my close friends Russell* and I asked him what made him not be able to express sadness when he was sad, he said to me it was because when he turned 14 and he started dating when he started crying he was met with comments like “You should be a man” from his girlfriend and he realised to be a “Man” he needed to show as little emotions as possible to show signs of Toxic masculinity. What is toxic masculinity? Well according to the Macmillan Dictionary it is "adherence to traditional male gender roles that expect boys and men to show few emotions and assert their dominance." In simple words this basically means society expects men to show little to no all emotions related sadness and crying, feeling guilty or feeling helpless should be alien feelings to them, but should rather express feelings that show they are the "Man."

I realised, through talking to more of my more of my friends, that girls who had made small comments like you should be a man changed a whole young boys thoughts on himself and he became less caring and loving when dealing with issues and was rather angry and aggressive. Although society is now aware of the dangers of toxic masculinity and fathers are teaching their sons it's okay to cry. Are there ways made for girls to realise that it’s okay for boys to cry and they should not always need to be the strong protecting figures? Girls need to realise that even their knights in shining amour have bad days and need to cry at times.

humanity
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About the Creator

couldnt leave it blank M

Young 3rd world kid making use of 2nd chances in the 1st world.

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