Toxic Relationships and How to Recognise Them!

We all fall in love, Good or bad. Eventually a couple will argue, it is perfectly normal for two people who care deeply about each other to argue. Where do we draw the line between normal and toxic? Not alot of people can tell they are being manipulated or that they are the manipulator, but these signs, whether you choose to spot them or not, may help you along the way.

Disclaimer: i am not a professional, if you think you are in harm in any way please seek professional help. I am basing these facts over personal experience and research. Thank you!

When your outlook on someone is positive, normally you don't want to admit that they have some toxic traits and sometimes may even find yourself making up excuses for their behaviour.

1. They may make you view your friends in a negative light.

I know what you're thinking: no one could ever change my view of my friends... right?

Wrong. When a person is toxic they may try to withdraw you from your friends.

How?

It's not as simple as them backing you into a corner and demanding that you don't go out with your friends that night. It's more like...

They'll start of by picking out small things they don't like about a friend. E.g "they drink too much..." "they never stop talking" "They aren't good parents..." etc...

After a few months of this, they have gotten it into your head and made you question if your friend is really a good person, and maybe you start feeling guilty for hanging out with them because your partner doesn't like them. So you stop seeing your friends, no big deal, right? Wrong, your partner has successfully isolated you so you spend time with them and only them.

2. They make you feel guilty for not wanting to do something they want to do.

This is coming from personal experience. Now it doesn't have to be sexual or criminal but it can be.

You have spend months developing trust with this person and all of a sudden they are kicking you for not wanting to do something they want to do.

Sexual: If you feel like you are not ready to be sexually involved with them and they are calling you a wimp or making you feel guilty by saying "I've done so much for you" or maybe even "I bet you don't love me that's why."

Let me be the first to say that if someone has this attitude towards you, LEAVE! you do not need to do anything you are not comfortable with and if they are forcing it upon you or making you feel bad for saying no, LEAVE!

Criminal: We've all heard the horror stories about how people have been addicted to drugs because of their partner or even starting stealing or doing other things they shouldn't be.

And while sad, these are true. If your partner offers you drugs or asks you to steal/sleep with someone for them, then leave!

Once again they shouldn't be making you do things you are not comfortable with especially things that are illegal, if they don't take no for an answer or respect your boundaries it's time to leave.

3. They make threats against you.

If they aren't taking no for an answer and they are making threats against you. If someone is saying;

"Do this or I'll hurt you..."

"Do this or I'll tell everyone the truth."

"Do this or I won't do that."

That's TOXIC.

You shouldn't feel threatened in any relationship.

"Do this or I'll hurt myself..."

Ah, that puts you in another situation. If someone is using suicide, self harm etc... to try get you to do something or get a reaction out of you, as hard as it may seem you need to talk away. They say humans have free will and that is true in some cases and relationships should be one of them. If your partner is seriously having thoughts like that, get them help.

Take a step back and think, "Are they being serious or are they being manipulative?"

It's hard to say no when they threaten to hurt themselves. But sometimes you have to because no matter how hard it is to accept you are not responsible for their happiness or mental health.

Steps to take

• Communicate - If any of the signs or more that you have researched are showing up in you or your partner, sit down and talk. Discuss the issue and what you can both do to be better.
• Take a break - It's okay for couples to take a break to breathe. Sometimes the main reason for toxicity is constantly being around each other. Go your separate ways for abit.
• Reminder: A break ISN'T a free pass to go sleep with someone else. You're still together!
• Couples therapy - This one is obvious but not everyone things its available, If you love your partner and don't want to let go of the person they once were, try this.
• Break up - If nothing you do seems to be working and the signs are just getting worse, walk away! It isn't worth the pain. Two people can be amazing individuals but work horribly as a couple. it's not your fault.

Terms to understand

• Gas lighting - False information given with the intention to make the victim doubt their own memory. e.g "You dreamt it" or "that never happened" when it did.
• Silent treatment - A form of punishment designed to make the victim feel powerless or invisible. IT'S NOT A FUN GAME!
• Minimizing - A control tactic to cause self doubt by downplaying a event. e.g "You're overreacting! I didn't shout that loud!"

Abuse is not always Physical. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Never settle for someone because you fear you'll never find anyone else. Even if you love them and you remember the person they used to be, EVEN if it kills you, walk away before you get seriously hurt or trapped. You never know what could happen.

Stay safe!