Toxic Traits: Not Theirs, Yours

It’s not you, it’s ME. In movies and books, often a character says this as an excuse to get out of a relationship they no longer want. It's portrayed as a coward’s way of avoiding talking about the real issue—to end it then and there, quick and painlessly. In real life however, it can be the truth, literally meaning it’s not them, it’s YOU.

Being in a three-year relationship that started when I was sixteen meant I had felt like I had been to emotional hell and back, but still in my head I saw it as nothing to do with me.

This year has been insane, from getting a new job, meeting new people, finally getting an idea of what I want to do when I leave university to my boyfriend securing his place in a semester abroad. I was acting out, taking my moods and stress out on him without any acknowledgment. He was there to listen to me venting, not escalating the snappy comments I had made to arguments, but I never noticed these things, focusing only on the bad things and arguments that did happen.

It is important to acknowledge YOUR toxic traits. You are worth the world and more but what I have learned is it isn’t everyone else’s fault but yours—that isn’t the way life works. You need to stop blaming the world for the bad things that happen to you, focus on the good instead of the bad, acknowledge the things that people close to you do for you.

Be patient, be kind, and adjust to others but to yourself. Stop expecting things to be perfect; there will be days where you don’t meet those targets at your job and you don’t get the mark you expected you would. The world is not against you, and the more positivity you put into the world the more you will get back. Surround yourself with people who care about you—genuinely. You need to know your worth but at the same time respect that people close to you are going through things and might act out, this doesn’t mean they value you even less—everyone has bad days.

The best piece of advice I have been given and will continue to give is that you need to acknowledge your own bad traits, stop being so sensitive and work on yourself before blaming others for the way they treat you. This in no way means letting people walk all over you. Working on yourself is the most satisfying thing to do, and the result is that if you look at the world in a positive light, it will do the same back.