Humans logo

Toxic Traits We're Too Scared to Recognize

Recognizing When It's Time to Walk Away

By Paulina PachelPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
Like
Photo via Vulture

It’s confession time. At one point, we all have been through a bad breakup. There finally came a time where we had subconsciously decided that it was time to let go of that one toxic boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, and/or family member. Despite such a healthy move, the moment of doing so is hard to digest at first.

In my case, I was head-over-heels in love with a guy who clearly did not reciprocate the same. Sure, there was a part of him that cared for me and adored me, but there was also a snarky side that loved to point out my imperfections and watch me squirm as I became visibly uncomfortable in my own body, and make it all about them.

Yet I couldn’t imagine a day without him. I couldn’t imagine not waking up to him. I couldn’t imagine not kissing him. I couldn’t imagine not sharing my day with him or enjoying a meal in the presence of his company.

We weren’t really anticipating to get married. We weren’t engaged, but the connection was stronger than anything I’ve felt in a long time… so I had hope that I had officially encountered “the one.”

Throughout our rendezvous, honey glaze-infused relationship, I was too happy to realize that no man should ever be allowed to disrespect me, in any way, shape, or form.

When we’re in a constant state of bliss, it’s really hard to recognize these toxic traits that are often so obvious to every other person... except for ourselves. The good news is that the spell is not something that we’re cast under for long. Once we let go or start to really internalize the way that our toxic significant other makes us feel in the long-run, we start to see things from a rather realistic perspective.

Instead of falling in reverse, I recognized that these toxic signs are enough to let go.

1. Criticism

Constructive criticism and subjective criticism have different goals; one is improve you, whereas the other to destroy you. If you notice that your significant other is not lifting you up, but pushing you down... leave. There is only room for correcting such behavior once, when you start to tolerate it, it starts to become a pattern. This pattern not only chips away at you, but at your psyche which can cause problems in future relationships.

2. Body-Shaming

The thing about weight is that it fluctuates; changes from high to low and vice versa. Mental health, time management, and ability all contribute to how great or awful our weight can get. One of my good friends pointed out that when it comes to dealing with something tough and turning for food to seek comfort is okay... as long as you can understand that your pain is only temporary and have enough strength to get yourself back to where you were on the proverbial weight scale.

So imagine getting yourself out of that dark place, doing everything you can to get yourself on that treadmill and into that gym and then having someone who has seen you at your most vulnerable say: “It could be better.”

Disregarding progress and body shaming someone who is already a bit self-conscious is the lowest form of flattery.

3. Lack of Support

Support can never be one-sided. In a healthy, cohesive relationship, it’s so good to show support for what the other is doing, even if it’s ridiculous but done with passion. Once you realize that the other party is only interested in talking about themselves and shows an omnipresence or no interest in what you have to say, that is a clear indication that they don’t want or wish to support you in your endeavors, passions, and dreams.

4. Lack of Communication

The last three indications can lead you to start to doubt yourself before you start to even doubt the entire relationship. However, once the other stops communicating or rarely bothers to check in, let alone answer a text, it begins to morph to an evident lack of interest.

5. Manipulation

I always save the best for last... and please note the sarcasm in this as this is actually the worst thing that your close counterpart or significant other can put you through. The art of manipulation is very prominent in toxic individuals because they thrive knowing that they’re putting you through anxious spells and making you compromise something that you’re not too keen on. They provide an ultimatum and insinuate that just because you did not follow through with whatever they needed or wanted, you’re not serious about them. If they can’t recognize that you express your love or appreciation for them in various other ways, then they aren’t ready to be in a committed relationship. They don’t understand boundaries or mutual respect. You should always be comfortable with saying no and you should never feel compelled to explain yourself.

These five toxic traits are just scratching the surface. I'm sure that there are a number of different ones that vary by experience.

But the only toxic you need in your life is "Toxic" by Britney Spears while getting that beautiful revenge body he or she was not even ready for.

breakups
Like

About the Creator

Paulina Pachel

I am an intricate mix of flavors and you'll get a taste of them through my writing pieces; versatility and vulnerability go together like a fresh-baked croissant+coffee.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.