True Colors

It's been a while, dear readers. And I thank you for your patience. Today I am here to speak about all the time between my last post, and now. Mainly about snakes in my life.

Over the course of the last 8-10 months, I have changed jobs, completely changed most of my surroundings, and met new people. But the biggest thing that has happened, are the people who chose to leave my life.

It took me a great while, in between each and every one of them to be ok with the outcome. Because as everyone knows: we can't control anyone but ourselves. But alas, bridges were burned for some of the dumbest reasons. Let me explain why I believe that.

The first friend I lost. I lost on my birthday. The person who was one of my bestest friends decided to refuse to say happy birthday to me, and then to continue on and tell me how she can no longer trust me because I've "changed".

Now, I agreed with her. Yes. I have changed. And every single day I continue to change and be different than before. But I definitely don't see that as a reason to find me untrustworthy.

Life is change. And especially after the hell I went through, yeah, I wasn't going to be the same as when I was in highschool. And somehow that makes me the bad guy... interesting.

She was also mad at me because time had flown in my life from trial to trial, and the last time I had spoken to her was a year ago...yes a year. And on my part, I apologized.

I tried to explain, but she didn't care to listen. All she cared about was being wronged. She didn't care about the difficulty I had been having with depression and finding myself again. And even if we did make up... how would that be classified as being a true friend?

Friend number two. The person who I have known since I could walk. All because of a feud that didn't involve us and because she couldn't actually stand up for herself.

So she chose to lie, and stab me and mine in the back instead. Lowest of lows was the fact that she did it because she was afraid, but willing to throw me under every bus she could find to come out looking shiny.

I have already forgiven. But I will never forget. And for those who know about whom I speak, I tried four times to make things right, when it wasn't even my responsibility. Some people just have to believe they're right I guess. No matter the cost.

Friend number three, how she really surprised me. One simple post I made expressing my depression about issues with another, and instead of coming to me, she assumed it was about her, and cast me from her life. Nothing but a shame.

And last, but definitely not least. The one that got away. I won't speak very much about this one. Because it's hard for me to be mad. But how can I care so much and still be looked at as flawed?

I opened my arms, my family, my home to her. And although I understand the difficulty of life and dealing with it day to day. I was replaced. And branded as clingy.

All I have ever looked for was one person that lived near me to be able to connect with on a level that has only been shown in pictures and read in books. I have yet to find someone close so willing to actually go the 50/50 with me.

Life gets in the way... people change. Love breaks and mends souls and hearts every day. I expect within the end of the year to lose more people from my life.

I have finally accepted that people will leave no matter what you want. And at the end of the day, most of the time as a person, we're better off not having to deal with their lies and deceitful friendships.

Losing people you care about really hurts. Its a trial I believe that people must go through to really realize who is true in their life and who is just, as my mother calls it, a fair-weather friend.

In my experience to those that read this. Do not stab who you care about in the back. No matter the valid reason you seem to think you have. And love with all your heart no matter what. Life is too short to hold grudges or be mean to one another. Life is just too short.