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True Friendship

Pandemic

By Meg LagaresPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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True Friendship
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

It takes years to build a friendship, sometimes decades, sometimes a lifetime. But what I realized it took a pandemic to determine a true friendship.

Like so many of us, the pandemic came in quietly at first. We weren’t sure what was happening. There was talks of this new weird flu from somewhere else. How was it going to affect us. We started worrying about eating out and about people coughing but we hadn’t yet decided to start wearing masks or staying home. Then, bam, in March 2020, I got sick. Not just a little sick, I mean in bed, I can not function sick. “Oh it’s strep throat”, said one doctor who just looked at me through a video chat and prescribed antibiotics. I knew it wasn’t but I was in bed 20 hours a day at that time trying to hold my head on and my eyes open when I could, and cough away from my significant partner when he ventured near me. All this and I had a house guest during one week. A house guest that happened to be my longest friend who was planning on moving to my town in just a few months.

Even right before she came we discussed if it was wise for her to travel and look at houses. I didn’t think it was wise but she was recently divorced and ready to start the next chapter in her life. I get that. I had been divorced myself for 5 years by then and understood the need for a change. But I was getting very sick and knew I couldn’t be out looking at houses with her. No problem, she went out and about with a realtor and I was just a way station, basically for her to come back to at night. However, I felt pressure that I wasn’t being a “true friend”. That I couldn’t celebrate her happiness and excitement over this new part of her life. I was just lying around in bed, being sick, being selfish.

She found her dream home and I “recovered”. Sort of. I became a long-hauler Covid survivor. I developed long lasting after effects of Covid. Tachacardyia, extreme fatigue, constant head and body aches. I was in pain daily. She went back to PA and started packing up to move to SC. We talked on the phone and made plans for her move. PA was in total lockdown so she said she never ventured out and was completely quarantined, I was afraid to go out because of what I experienced, so I basically was self-quarantined.

In June she and she sister made the drive here. I had offered them a safe, germ free place to stay the night before she closed on her house, but they chose a hotel. I was surprised since I had two extra bedrooms, and figured a hotel is not exactly a clean choice, but obviously, she can choose her way.

This was the height of the pandemic. Restaurants had no indoor dining, people were supposed to be self distancing and wearing masks and staying home. It was serious. The death tolls were rising daily.

She decided this was a great time to explore her new town. She explained it as being cooped up for so long in PA, she needed to get out. June is Charleston 2020 was beautiful and the beaches had not yet been closed, so in her mind, why not. In my mind, I was having to wrestle with my conscience and her decisions. But my longest, best friend just moved here, something we had both wanted for so long. So I took risks to be with her. We would eat out, always on off times and definitely away from people, but still in public. I was still sick daily and had to completely change my diet to a gluten-free diet so my body could accept food.

We went to the beaches, we went to a few outdoor farmer’s markets, we went shopping. And in November her birthday rolled around and I went with her to The Biltmore in Asheville, NC. That was when I realized I was uncomfortable and I was doing things way out of my comfort zone. I was even still experiencing trouble with my heart and food and let her know that there would be times that I’d be tired. But this was about her, only. Her time table, her wants and her needs. Her decisions on where to eat, where to go and at what time. It hit me then that I was sacrificing my mental and physical heath to be around her. My friend of over 40 years, was no longer a true friend.

Her children came for the holidays and we didn’t see each other. I pulled back completely. I started to let her know that I did not feel comfortable going out and I felt that she was being reckless by going to bars and live music events. Her response was that she was always careful. I could not reconcile in my mind that I was suffering so much from a disease that I contracted early on and that meant nothing to her.

Then it became ugly, because basically we broke up. There were mean and ugly words. Other people got involved. My heart broke. I’d see her in my neighborhood picking up a friend I had introduced to her. She’d pretend not to see me. Grown women who had known each other since middle school acting like children.

Then I became numb. And then I accepted it. I realized I missed our original friendship but I didn’t miss the one in which I felt disrespected. I didn’t miss this new “friendship” which was clearly one-sided.

I also realized during my many months of quarantine and doctor visits and support groups that my true friendships now are different. These are the people that listen to me and that I listen to as well. Some of them I’v never even met face to face but we are on a social media group for long-haulers; survivors like me who can empathize with one another. My significant other has stayed by my side and has 100% supported everything that has gone on in my life. He is truly my best friend and my deepest love.

I also found a deep friendship inside of myself. I like who I am and how strong I am in my convictions. I don’t mind spending long days alone with just me as company. I truly hope she finds peace in her life. I know I have.

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About the Creator

Meg Lagares

Person of many talents; Actor, Vocal talent, Writer, Mom

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