Trust

Trust. Something that is often given blindly and received carelessly. Trust is something that is formed in every relationship since birth. Parent to child, sibling to sibling, lover to lover, owner to pet, teacher to student. It’s a factor that plays a part of letting others see your true form; your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and fears.

Putting your trust in someone in the very beginning of a relationship isn’t scary. In fact, it’s relieving, because your thoughts are now vocalized and shared with someone; they are no longer trapped in your constantly hypercritical mind. Trust is what gives you reliability in people while also being a reassurance you need. It gives stabilization in believing that you will not be taken advantage of, judged, or seen differently. But there will be moments in your life where you encounter people who will not cherish your trust. As a matter of fact, when that person breaks your trust, it will destroy you...completely.

You will go through many phases. First, you question everything. Where did I go wrong? Why did they do this? Who else is pretending? Why was I so stupid to let them in? Then you come to the conclusion that it was all your fault. Then, isolation will cross your mind. Soon, you’ll cut off every relationship you have because you fear they will all end the same. Walls will be built with the strongest of materials to keep you from breaking ever again. Every being in your body will convince yourself that you don’t need anyone. For a while, it will work, but being alone can only last for so long. Next, you’ll find any distraction by any means necessary to forget this feeling. Whether it’s healthy or not, you’ll do anything in your power to ignore it all. But keep in mind that there there’s only so much working out or drinking that one can do, because, when everything's said and done, you’re laying in bed alone. You’ll torture yourself by reliving it…over and over and over. Again.

The late night's harassing thoughts will consume you whole to the point where the walls you were so determined to build come crumbling down. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll feel completely lost. Out of control, even. So, you’ll have nothing to do but cry, either out of frustration or true sadness. Congratulations! You’ve hit rock bottom, but you know what’s the best part of that? You’ve reached the final phase, because now you have nowhere to go but up. It’s time to strip off the masquerade and overcome the illusion you’ve created yourself. You’re in control of your thoughts and it's time to stop reminiscing and fix what is broken.

It’s frightening to confront the ones who hurt you so deeply. You’ll think that they will hurt you all over again, that it will be worse than before, but I promise you, it’s not. You’re not doing it for their sake, you're doing this for you. Once you have, you'll feel empowered and free. So, if you’re reading this because your trust has been broken, just remember: next time, don’t be as blinded as you were before when it comes to your trust. Also, don’t be afraid of trusting new people. Their intentions are not going to be the same as the person that did you wrong. And if you’re reading this because you’re the one that broke someone’s trust, just know that they're going through a lot. Also, it’s never too late to call them up and explain everything, because, who knows? They might need it.