'Two Great Loves' and You're Out?

In an episode of Sex and the City, the following question was posed: how many great loves do we get? Following her divorce, Charlotte, one of the main characters on the show, opined that everybody gets two great loves in their lives.

I’m only 23, I’ve already had two great loves (yes two, and yes, great), and I’m worried she may be right. After two years of a tough, but dearly cherished, relationship, my last ex and I broke up about three years ago. Before that, I was with someone else for three years.

Since my last relationship, I haven’t found anyone that I would even want to consider being with. It’s not like I haven’t tried, or I’m not looking; in fact, a few months ago I went on three dates, with three different guys in one week. Then a couple of weeks after that I started seeing just one guy for a few months. But I definitely did not have any interest in being in a relationship with him, or anyone else I’ve gone on dates with in the past few months. Actually, I’ve had no romantic interest in anyone in my life, which is quite surprising as I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some very wonderful people in the past year.

Whilst I don't feel the need to be with someone, and don’t feel desperate to be in a relationship, the lack of interest in being with someone has had me a little concerned — why can’t I picture myself happy in a relationship with anybody?

This question has been a little daunting, and the search for the answer triggered more questions:

• Am I bi? Could I be gay? Maybe I can’t see myself in a happy relationship because I’m picturing myself with the wrong sex?
• Do I have intimacy issues?
• Trust issues?
• Will I ever fall in love again?
• Maybe I should go back to my exes?

Not being interested in being with anyone in the last three years had me questioning different aspects of my personality. It even had me questioning whether maybe I was still in love with my exes, and that the lack of interest in anybody new is a sign that I haven’t actually yet moved on. However, my instinctive answer to this last question is: definitely not. Like I’ve said, I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship, but I do miss being in love. I miss being excited by someone. I miss deeply caring about another person, and being equally cared for in return. I miss having support that I don’t need to ask for. I miss being asked about my day, and all the mundane events that took place during it. I miss all these things from my previous relationships, and how in love I was with the people I was with. But if I picture myself, as I am now, being in a relationship with one of my exes… I don’t picture myself happy either.

After such thoughts, the last recurring question I have is: have I become incapable of falling in love? It’s a question that briefly flashes in my mind, but only briefly. Despite the past three years, I’m still confident that when the right person comes along, I’ll be able to picture myself happily in love with him… or her (still not going to rule out the possibility of being bi).

So. How many great loves does everybody get? Just two and that’s it?

Well, I’ve already had two great loves, and whilst it has taken a while, I can’t help but feel that I’m moving towards the next one.