Understanding the Meaning of Love

We all know what love is... right? At least, we all think we do. We understand the main idea of love; the feelings we have for our parents, siblings, friends, and significant others. Most people, however, don’t think of love as anything more than a feeling. Some say, “I just fell out of love” or “The feelings just aren’t there anymore.” But how is it that two people that were once “madly in love” just... fell out of it? See, my definition of love encompasses the fact that you can’t fall out of it.

I know, I know. You’re sitting here thinking, “...but I KNOW I loved my high school sweetheart! We just didn’t work out for reasons beyond our control. I’ve definitely moved on, though!” Maybe it didn’t work out because of the timing, immaturity, lack of trust, or long-distance. You name it. If it was true love though, I think you’ll be surprised to find that you still do love this person. You may have moved on, but you know they still hold a special place in your heart, as a lot of people do that come and go in our lives. If this “love” you’re thinking about was really love, that’ll never change.

Of course, there are other related feelings people confuse with love, and maybe you’ve done the same at one point in time. Maybe the feeling you once thought was love was really infatuation, passion, adoration... a short-lived and not as good version of love. I think most of us have made that mistake before. Maybe something drastic or traumatic has occurred in your life, and you swear you hate someone you were once close to. Usually this hate comes from pain or a place of hurting. I’m sure if you dig deep enough, you’ll find you still love them. Even if you hate yourself for it. (Or maybe I’m wrong—humans are really complicated after all.) Either way, it takes some experience and growing as a person to really understand what love is (And yes, we all have our own ways of loving, receiving love, and understanding love—as long as it’s a healthy way, that’s all that matters).

I think with experience and growing, comes an important realization for most people. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice. It’s the choice we make everyday to still be with, and well, let’s face it, deal with, thosearound us. For me, I understood this concept of love when I actually WAS in love, in 9th grade. For those that don’t think children or adolescents could ever possibly be in love, think again. Children and adolescents can be more mature than you think. And I think we can all agree that love is a universal concept. Just try to remember when you were a child. I’m sure there was someone in your life you loved. And regardless of what has happened since then, you know you’ll always love them. I do believe there is a difference in loving someone and being in love with someone. But they both encompass some main factors: commitment, communication, passion, and intimacy.

So, for those that “fall out of love” or choose to walk away from someone because their feelings just aren’t there anymore, they must’ve never really loved this person to begin with.

For more information on love (taking a scientific and psychology approach on it), I recommend researching Sternberg’s theory of love.

Thanks for reading!