Unhealthy Expectations of Fictional Romances
How fictional romance puts pressure on real relationships.
Whilst reading and watching TV shows and movies are great ways to wind down after a stressful day of work, or a way of distracting yourself when going through tough times, placing too much emotional investment in fictional characters and their relationships can have a dramatic effect on the way we perceive real-life connections with others.
We've all seen those movies, and read those novels- soulmates meet, go through huge obstacles in life, but continue by each other's sides only to end in happily ever after. The romance we are brought up to believe is 'true love' derives from sources of entertainment, rather than psychological advice. When a couple has an argument on screen, it is often one of immense and unnecessary drama, in which the consequences usually result in a greatly romantic act of resolvement, where each person learns that true love will conquer all obstacles.
In real life, however, the same dramatic explosion of passion or personal obstacles will often result in a broken heart and another failed relationship. Unfortunately, fictional romance can put pressure on us to expect more from our partners, or even ourselves, to deliver more than we are capable of.
We see displays of affection as passionate arguments, or lavish gifts and gestures, because that is what makes great drama in fiction. Now I'm not saying chivalry is dead, or that there is no real-life romance- in fact, I am saying quite the opposite: There are romance and great gestures of love in everyday life, but while you are waiting for that bunch of flowers, or thoughtful gift, or even the extreme gestures of a proposal, you could be missing out on the wonderful romantic words and actions that your partner is providing you every day.
Romance can be seen in the way your partner interacts with you, even in the simplest of actions such as a hug, or a kiss. Displays of affection can be seen in the simplest of words that your partner so openly shares with you, such as "you look lovely today", or even "you seem stressed- let's get a takeaway and watch a movie tonight". These thoughts and gestures are so widely overlooked as simple things that we have come to expect from our partner in life, but if you open your mind to be grateful for each of these incredible displays of care, you will realise that the romance you so desperately seek is gifted to you every moment.
There are of course some fictional romances that provide comfort to true love being in the little things, such as the relationship between Jim and Pam in the US version of The Office, or even the basis of Marshall and Lily's marriage in How I Met Your Mother. However, there are some relationships that we are shown in many movies, or even in comic books, where we see destructive couples such as The Joker and Harley Quinn in Batman, or the never-ending drama and arguments of The Notebook romance portrayed as something of passion and unconditional love. These relationships are fictional for good reason- to serve as a form of entertainment, not as 'relationship goals'.
Take time to find gratitude for the words and actions that your partner provides you every day, no matter how small and simple they may be. Only then will you experience a life-long romance that will never fail to excite you.
About the Creator
Anna Pembrey
Mental health and self-care warrior.
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