Unkiss Me

~July~

What a pleasant, unexpected surprise, this butterfly in my stomach. I was not prepared to be so affected, but I welcome fluttering within me. I embrace the goosebumps that scatter on my skin when you fly close to me. I cling to familiarity I feel when we are alone. I crave the connection we have. I do believe I haven't felt this before. I do believe in this.

~September~

The doubt has settled in. Your true colors are shining through those translucent wings. Maybe your once brilliant colors are just a mask. You are changing. The vivid hues of your wings are transforming to dull, sad shades. The need for distance is emanating off of you in waves. The once familiar feelings I had for you are foreign. I'm trying to just ignore it, hoping that maybe you are just in a mood this week or you really are busy. I hope I am not a nuisance. Sometimes I just feel like I deserve a little more. Maybe I was wrong in believing in this. Week after week, I feel you slowly slip farther away from me, and week after week I feel a part of me fly away with you. Now we are here and I don't know what to do.

~November~

Welcome back, Mr. Butterfly. Truly you were missed. Anxiously I have been waiting for your smile, your warmth, (the goosebumps) to come back. For a second there, I worried you might not come back at all. But I powered through. I patiently waited. I humbly comforted. That's what you do, right? It's not always 50/50. Sometimes it's 30/70 or 80/20. I can manage that. It wasn't easy, and I was almost ready to cut my losses and give up. But, when I believe in something, and I mean truly believe in something, I will not easily back away. I feel the release in my shoulders as the stress just fades away. I'm relieved that we are heading back in a good direction.

~January~

No longer have you found a home on this flower. I don't know what I did. Maybe I didn't do enough. Maybe I just wasn't what you were looking for. Maybe we rushed the natural process. Whatever the case, it is all okay. I'm not mad. I wish I could understand why you left me. I wish I could be a cell in your brain. I wish I would have trusted my gut before. But that's okay, too. Will you ever fly back to me?

Wait! Is that you there? Please tell me those beaming colors are your wings! Are things finally going to be better? I still believe, I promise I do.

~February~

Goodbye, Mr. Butterfly. Goodbye for good. I was lying to myself, thinking life was going to change. You don't respect me. You don't hear me when I'm speaking. You're more consumed with other flowers. You don't think about what your words and actions, or lack thereof, do. What happened to wanting passion and a fire? I bet you didn't know that I've been slowly dying inside. I haven't been okay. I know things have been really rough for you and I know I keep the demons inside your head at bay, but what about me? What about my demons? I let myself indulge too far into something I had been doubting months before.

Oh, how I love you, Mr. Butterfly, but it's time for me to go home. I wish you only the best.