Ventilation

Allow me to get started with what you see in my profile photo. Yes, I have a girlfriend and we are a little more than 16 months in. All you need to know about her is that she's right for me. She has wonderful heart, a beautiful face, and a great sense of humor. What more could I have asked for?

Before her, I had never been in a true relationship. I've always felt a disconnect between me and most people my age when it came to who I am and what it means to be involved with someone. Nowadays, relationships don't seem to carry as much weight and for that reason, I felt better staying single then putting myself in a position doomed for hurt. With her, on the other hand, there was a different feeling. I noticed the beauty but more importantly, I sensed the authenticity in her immediately. She wasn't someone trying to be someone else, and that's hard to find. As soon as I saw the opportunity with her, I took it without any thought. Since then, it's been an absolute pleasure. We connect, she's easy to talk to, and the feelings are both strong and mutual.

As I said before, this is my first relationship so any assumptions, ideals, or whatever else I thought I knew about love is out of the window. In these 16 months, we've had experiences, good, bad, and ugly, that have allowed me to grow and learn what love is all about. So here's some of what I think I know when it comes to love.

Communication Is Everything

Being the kind of person that I am, not a lot gets out. If I ever felt the need to do some expressing, it would get done through writing, drawing, or some other artistic way. It is very rare that I will turn to an other human being to get things off of my chest. But this is all before I had a partner.

Keeping things inside is never healthy, especially when someone else is involved. There are a number of possible results that come out of the lack of expression, but none of them are beneficial. After a certain amount of time, you get to know someone and she knows me. She knows when something is up, odd, or wrong. Whether or not I want to admit or discuss it, she's always aware. Early on, I thought I could regulate what I put out on the table but I've learned that in order for us to be successful, everything needs to be on the table. I still have a natural resistance to reveal certain things and feelings just because I simply never did it before her. But one way or another, she has to know because she is my comrade, my partner, and my teammate so if it affects me; it affects her.

There have been things that ate at me for days, weeks, and months in this relationship. That all lasted, however, until I finally just got out of my head and brought it to her. A lot of times I get stuck, playing out all of the possible scenarios in my head, trying to anticipate what will happen. Sometimes I come to the conclusion that nothing good will come of it so I would just not bring it up. But that's a recipe for disaster. If I learned anything over these 16 months: an issue will always remain until you confront it.

Be Open

Me and my partner are not the same person. We have different traits, tendencies, and characteristics. We also have very different backgrounds. With that being the case, we may see and go about things differently. For example, she's more affectionate than I am in a verbal sense. She'll let me know everyday how much she loves and appreciates me. I, on the other hand, am a man of few words. I've always been a person to show rather than tell and because of that, I tell myself that this is how I'm letting her know. But it's really not. Just because I don't feel the need to say it does not mean she sees it the same way. So if I fail to verbally let her know, she may not feel as loved as she truly is. Basically, I got my head out of my ass. Everyday, I let her know that she's beautiful, she's awesome, she's loved, and she's appreciated. Don't let your ego or pride keep you from adjusting to realities different than your own. Get your head out of your ass and love your partner the way she needs to be loved.

Complacency is Poison

The beginning stages are always magical because it's new. This person is new, the feeling is new, the relationship is new. But as time passes, things aren't so new. The person is no longer new, the feeling is no longer new, the relationship is no longer new. At that point, what happens now? When you're entirely sure of your partner's feelings toward you, it's easy to stop trying to impress them. It's easy to stop trying to earn them. It's easy to stop trying to win their love. When you've accomplished the feat of officially being romantic involved with your partner, we tend to lose our drive. When the drive is gone, the romance goes along with and eventually, the relationship in itself. Magic is definitely apart of it, but don't disregard the work and commitment that is also apart of it. Growth is everlasting, and failure to do the work will stunt the growth in your relationship and put it at risk. Don't lose your drive just because you've settled in with your partner. Continue to grow and develop individually and as a unit with your partner. This work ethic is what sustains the magic and allows the relationship to feel like a fantasy. Don't you dare let yourself get comfortable and complacent.

Get Your Head Out of Your Ass

I've put this phrase in another section but I wanted to go a little more in-depth on it. Narcissism has no place in a partnership. Don't make your partner feel bad about going out without you. Don't let jealousy and insecurity allow you to criticize their friends simply because they're the same sex as you. Don't find a way to make your partner feel wrong in a disagreement just because you want to feel like you're right. These are extremely harmful habits that will do much damage to your relationship. Get your head out of your ass. Your partner had a life before you and that shouldn't change entirely because you're now involved. Sometimes you'll be right and sometimes you'll be wrong. And when you're wrong, accept that you're wrong and apologize when it's needed. When your partner sees an issue as more significant than you see it, don't belittle their feelings. Get your head out of your ass. Humility and compassion is what gives life to a partnership. Your ego and self-centered ways will destroy it. Don't let that happen.

Be a Gentleman

To all the men out there: be a gentleman. If you're in a relationship with a female, you are to take care of her. Don't let her open any doors herself. Don't let her go get a drink when she needs it. You get your ass up to go get that drink for her. You open that door for her and allow her to easily walk through. You put that seat back so she can just sit down. As a gentleman, you are to cater to her needs to the best of your ability. You want to make things as easy for her as possible. She's the princess. She's the queen. She's the goddess. And for the record, my lady is no exception.

Give and Take

Don't let my previous section allow you to believe that it is wrong for the female to hold it down for the man as well. Let me give you a personal example: I'm broke. My girlfriend is not. Fresh out of college, she has already found a job in her field and is just getting started in her career. She has also recently bought herself a new car. Yeah, she's official like that. Anyway, I find myself in need of help sometimes and she's always there to provide it. No, I'm not saying that I use her for that but I'm saying relationships are about give and take. Don't let stereotypical thinking direct you in the wrong direction. This is where a man's pride can get in the way and harm a relationship. As said before, be a gentleman and cater to your princess in the best way possible. But your princess is also there for you when you need and yes, you will need help. This is a recurring theme but it applies to almost everything: get your head out of your ass.

I realize that 16 months may not seem long to some of you who have been in longer relationships. But through experiences I've had with my princess, these are just some things that I learned as I failed, messed up, and made mistakes. Look, I'm not a know-it-all. In fact, I don't think that I know crap and I know that there is much much more to learn. But if any of this could help someone, then I felt it best to put out what I think that I have learned over these wonderful 16 months. Good luck to anyone and everyone out there looking to create fantasies with their partner. God bless!