Vows

Vow | a solemn or earnest pledge or promise binding the person making it to perform a specified act or behave in a certain way (Collins dictionary).

A guy I work with recently got married, and of course, posted the wedding YouTube video to Facebook. I cried into my porridge and wrecked my work makeup. It wasn't the Bali garden setting with the view of the ocean over a stone wall, or the flowers that adorned everything, or the trendy macramé curtain that framed the couple beautifully under a wooden arbour, that had me weeping. It was their vows. Vows that were their own words written with thought, truth, humour and love.

When I was a bride-to-be, all I wanted was to marry my now husband and have his babies. With everything in me down to my soul, I wanted to be the wife to my first love. I wanted the traditional Catholic Church wedding, with the white dress, standing before God, family and friends being tied to him forever. The Catholics have their own script and order of service for the wedding ceremony, and at the time, I was okay with that. The only thought I put into my vows was that I would not vow to "obey."

The day of our wedding, I was 20 minutes early to the church. Walking with my Mum on my lefthand side and my Dad on my right, my sisters walking in front of me, I smiled and waved, and said hello to family and friends, as I walked towards my guy in the black suit looking like he wanted to vomit or curse me for taking so long to get to him. When I did reach him, I couldn't take my eyes off him; all we had to do was say “I do” after the Priest recited the words and vows that bound us.

Priest: Scott, do you take Melinda for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

Scott: I do.

Priest: Melinda do you take Scott for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

Melinda: I do.

After 18 years of marriage, the words that I vowed to live my married life by seem shallow, weak and immature (That opinion is coming from a place of experience, time, hindsight, trials and love).

I wish I would have had a heart-to-heart with the women in my family, extended family and friends about being a wife and the relationship of marriage. I was so young, the concept was of marriage was romantic and exciting. I wish I had my Grandmother, mother, and aunties share their wisdom and insights into being a wife. What is the joy in their marriage and the difficulties in their marriage? In hindsight I would have crafted deeper, authentic words and my own personal promises instead of "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."