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I was 23 years old and a student in college. I had a part-time job and was developing myself and self-esteem. My life was always hectic and on the go. From waking up early to class until midnight finishing my shift and repeating the same routine the next day. My mindset was always shifted towards accomplishing the goals I set myself. My goals were to graduate college, move out of my parents' house and attain my dream job as a CPS worker (child protective service). I was persistent with these thoughts and incorporated them into my life with positiveness.
It was December 5, 2015 and was at home chatting with mom. After a brief chat with her, I sat on the couch and checked my social media (Facebook). I noticed I had a friend request and he was a Muslim who lived in Morocco. To be honest I did not know of this foreign place or what Muslim or Islam meant. At that moment I hesitated to accept the request knowing that the Muslim was from another country. After thinking for a while to accept the request, I decided to go for it. When I clicked the accept button, a few minutes later I received a message from this person saying "Thank you for accepting me." I replied with "Your welcome."
Furthermore, this stranger on Facebook who become an acquaintance soon was starting to become a friend. Everyday for long hours, conversations were endless. From sharing our religion to our daily life schedules those moments were becoming special. Deep conversations were the most interesting. There were no such superficial conversations but real ones. There were even times that one of us was going through hardships and the other would comfort. Times of sharing our life became a share of pictures. A few months passed and we were already in Skype sharing screens and watching movies. At that time, I grew fond of this man and his ideas of life and his goals. However, to make matters more shocking, he confessed his feelings to me and asked me to be his partner. I was surprised and yet joyful. By accepting his proposal I knew that there were many harsh obstacles that we were going to have to face together. One of those were to meet in person. Considering the distance between us was something I detested and the feeling of not having him beside me just made hope wither little by little.
A year later passed and words of "I love you, I miss you" were constant reminders of our relationship and bond. There were other words that were not only meaningful but was a foundation of hope for our future. Those words were " wait for me." These words were a promise made by both of us. They were to instill hope and remain persistent together. However, the words not only helped me remain hopeful but it was an excruciating pain for my heart. It pained me because I felt something was wrong with him. There is a saying that mentions how one partner gets to sense what is happening within the other person. The mere thought of intuition and the unexplainable feelings or sense of danger that disrupts the individual's thoughts and behaviors. This is what was occurring to me. Those times of sensing that he was going to give up on us was my fear.
A year and a half passed by and he had accomplished his dream of being a teacher and I could not be more happy and proud of his accomplishment. I was still working and attending my college. I was two months away from graduating and getting my BA in psychology. I was happy for myself and for him. However, three weeks before my birthday the days were very wary. Our conversations were less and time spent together was not enough. I provided my time to him and he became extremely busy with his training and job. Discussions were occurring and it escalated to the point of the words "I don't feel we will ever be together," "I don't see how we can have a future together." These words were the ones I have feared. My heart stopped and I denied them. I began to remind him of how our relationship became to be in order to give him hope but it did not work. Nights became sleepless and insomnia was at constant high and cried until I fell asleep. The closer to my birthday the more depressed I became because I was watching my relationship fade.
It was that one day that he explained his thoughts and I did as well. Then, it was official of our relationship, it was over. The idea that this man sends me a friend request then conquers my heart and for him to give up is what pains me. The thought of his promises being engraved within me to give me hope vanished in less time then I thought. All those memories created, gifts exchanged, and speaking of the future made my heart ache and tears shed for many days and nights. I hope he does not repeat this again to any woman.