Was It Love?

He’s a year older than me. We met when I was 13 years old, yet we didn’t technically “meet.” We Skyped for hours on end, talking about things I’ve never even thought about. I looked forward to speaking to him and to his friends after school or when I wasn’t at practice.

However, as we became closer and closer to dating, I was scared. We didn’t live close to each other. I lived in a small town in North Georgia and he lived in Miami, FL. Crazy, I know. Despite what I told myself would happen, he asked me out and I said yes.

It didn’t last. It lasted about three months and then we hated each other. From May to November I could not stand the thought of him. Yet somehow we reconnected, my friend asked me to join a Skype call and I agreed not knowing who would be there. Once I joined, I realized him and his friends were there.

We started talking again and in two days, we were back together. This time, it felt right. It felt like this is what I could do for the rest of my life. And that January, he visited me in my small Georgia town. And after that, we fell in love.

I began visiting him once or twice every two months, me being 15 this time I was able to fly by myself with no major holdbacks. I had to convince my parents of course, but they trust me and him enough to allow it.

Somewhere between January 20th and 26th of 2017, he cheated on me. I stayed with him because I didn’t want him to leave me. And I felt as if it were all my fault, so I changed myself drastically. I lost weight, dyed my hair to a lighter color, lost all my friends. I wasn’t me anymore. I had no emotions, I became a robot.

After this happened, I became almost numb to the relationship, I didn’t feel anything. He became toxic, and what some call emotionally and verbally abusive. He would lash out at me and call me fat or tell me to hit the gym. He would tell me to stay home and to talk to him instead of going with my friends, this happened every night. He told me to stop going to parties, he told me he was too good for me, he told me that he could get anyone he wanted. I didn’t feel anything anymore.

One year after this, we were still together but not going so strong. We had started to become distant throughout the past year. I had become closer with someone else, as did he. I knew that it wasn’t going to last, but I kept it going because I didn’t want it to end.

I fell in love with someone else in 2015, before I began dating the boyfriend, who lived close to me and I didn’t want to admit it to anyone, not even myself. I kept this secret for a year and a half. The more and more that I tried to hide it, the more I began to notice that I didn’t love my boyfriend anymore. This is when the fighting began and I try and subtly bring up us not being together anymore. He doesn’t take it well and calls me and ends it before I can end it with him.

I am now with the boy I fell in love with freshman year, who treats me like I am the most important girl in the whole world. He loves me and shows that he loves me in many different ways. I am the happiest and most loved person in the world in my eyes.

My ex-boyfriend is now with a girl who I hope he cherishes. She’s one of the most heartfelt and loving people I have ever had the chance of meeting. While I’ve never “met” her, I have heard many wonderful things about her and talked to her once or twice.

It was worth going through everything I endured in the two and a half years of my last relationship. I am so happy now. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.