Humans is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.
How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.
How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.
To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.Show less
I am what some people might call a serial dater.
By that I mean, since my freshman year of high school, I have never really been alone for more than a few weeks at a time. I didn’t seek people, it just always felt convenient. Someone always came forward as soon as my relationship was starting to taper off.
However, before I went to college, my boyfriend of YEARS at that point ended it. For reasons I never fully grasped, I was suddenly alone... something I’d never been. I had to pray for a date to prom. I didn’t have someone checking up on me every morning. This felt like my life was crumbling for a little while. We shared all the same friends, the same passions, the same activities. Everywhere was a reminder of my newly single status... and I hated it.
I hated being single. I love relationships, I love supporting someone, I love caring for someone and knowing they do the same for me. I kept hoping I’d go to college and the problem would solve itself, like it did in high school.
Long story short, I am home from college for the summer, and throughout the year I have not been on one official date... and even the unofficial ones ended in a ghosting, something I was not accustomed to. And for a while, yeah, it bummed me out.
I am the type of person who thrives with a partner. Being part of a pair gives me a sense of security, and anxiety melts away because I know I have that one go-to person any day of the week.
In college in general, finding a close group of friends takes sometime, and everyone feels pretty alone at one point or another... so for someone used to the support of a significant other, this loneliness stung in a particularly poignant way.
But then one day I realized that in order to be ready to receive the love I deserve, I must first give it to myself. A part of me was blaming myself for not finding the right person, wondering what was suddenly wrong with me, questioning if I am deserving at all. I started treating my insecurities like I would treat the insecurities of someone I am with. Telling myself that there’s nothing wrong with me, that I am worthy of love. I allowed myself the space to feel my feelings, as large as they were, but know that I am not my feelings (a mindfulness practice my voice and speech teacher preaches).
I craved a significant other to love me, but all I really needed was to look inside. There was a part of me so willing to give love, so why not to myself?
At the end of the day, being single is just being in a relationship with all the parts of yourself. The dark and the light learning to have a dialogue... after all, communication is key.