What About Falling out of Love?

This very idea has been pondering around my mind for some time now. It is a complex topic to write about and candidly, it will take me more time to draw up a complete conclusion of my own but here is where I will take a break and share my thoughts.

Falling in love is a well-known concept. Everyone has experienced it one way or another. Falling in love with a person, a craft, a place, or song, or a moment can be absolutely breath-taking. Even realizing that you have been enchanted by this magical feeling is an utmost astonishing moment itself. Without a doubt, that’s the sweet part of life.

Sadly, I ought to mention the not-so-pretty side—when you realize you have fallen OUT of love. And without being negative, I truly wonder—what is it that drives one to lose affection and emotional touch with whoever or whatever was once all they craved for?

Generally speaking, I do not consider "falling out of love" a particularly good or bad outcome. It shivers somewhere in between yin and yang, and it strongly reminds me of a mild mid-January winter. You know the days should feel cold, and maybe you should even be a little bit frosty but there is a slightly gracious warm breeze, the weatherman said it comes from Africa. This simply acts as an oxymoron.

Not going to lie, I have had my share of ‘broken heart’ moments. Because of a man, a friend, a place. It comes like a hurricane, shakes your whole world and leaves you there—standing naked. Only the scars are left and at first, they look and feel gruesome but at some point, they evolve to become your greatest accessory. Ones that you cannot buy or trade, they are your forever unique trait—shaped in your skin.

For sure, this takes time. It probably takes the seven stages of grief for some people. Or at least this is how I experience it.

A couple of years ago, I also went through what turned out to be the upward turn in my life. I considered myself sick of this self-destructive disease—depression. It is noteworthy to say that I take great consideration when using words such as "destructive." However, I shall not leave this information out. In fact, I will say that I had previously gone (a few times) through this highly unpleasant experience already a few times, but that time was the "pull yourself together" time. So, I had to embrace what had happened and what was yet to come.

Anyways, I highly contemplated every aspect of my life. My friendships, my relationship, my study, my behavior and attitude, my job, my dreams and aspirations, and my skills. I was no longer capable of genuine devotion and clarity. I would get angry, my heart would be racing, I would snap out at people. Simply put, I was dizzy and mellow. I did not find joy in any of my daily activities. I was shallow and at times feeling excessively numb.

It is definitely not a life to live, and whatever I could call life back then, was determined to leave me breathless and miserable anyhow.

Until one day it hit me. I had finally managed to plug out that buzzing sound from my ears and pull up the curtain and see that I had actually fallen out of love with the way I was living my life. I was no good for myself, let alone for anyone or anything else. And that was unfortunate, I must admit.

Without any more details, I will just say "fair enough." They say the first point of any change is the realization and then, for me, hope. But hope, as Lana del Rey once sang "is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have… " of course, in my case a woman, in other cases men.

Notwithstanding all that I have just revealed to you, in a moment of self-reflection, I wondered how come I allowed myself to hit such low point (back then it did feel like the lowest I had ever been) and at such young age.

I cannot give you the concrete answer, it simply varies from person to person, but I can tell you how it starts—with change.

One day the perfume of your beloved one does not get your head dizzy anymore, their walk is no longer attractive. Another day, the glance of the morning waves of the north sea seems just ordinary. You feel out of place in the typically familiar dancing studio, your childhood song sounds silly now, your best friend has made too many excuses. Being affectionate or enthusiastic just feel like too much effort. That is exactly then when you have hit the point! You are no longer capable of "deriving any pleasure" from whatever once was your love. That’s when you feel numb on a love level.

So, sadly, it all boils down to change and change is inevitable. After all, we, as the most sophisticated and advanced species, are prone to evolution even in happiness and in sadness. We ought to venture.