What Could Go Wrong? #MyWorstDate

What really constitutes a bad date? Is it the person you go with? Is it the choice of where you go/what you do? Is it a combination of the two? I'd lean towards the latter myself. In today's world, with the rise of Tinder and online dating, it's never been easier to connect with people and get a sense of who they are before meeting for that nerve-shredding first date.

But what happens when things don't go as planned? The people here at Vocal are running a competition to find out about our worst romantic experiences, so I thought I'd chime in with mine.

For the record, this date isn't as nightmarish as some others you may have read; I believed it would be fun to write about. Again, this is a true story. I've checked with the lady concerned in this tale, and she has promised not to bottle me. Not yet, anyway; she is yet to read this. My next article could be published from A&E.

I've known this girl for over a year now. We met through mutual friends and clicked quite well when we all would hang out together. We didn't end up in a relationship, as at that time we weren't ready for it, but we remained good friends and stay in touch frequently.

We both love Marvel films; she was really wanting to go and see Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 but hadn't found the time or anyone to go and watch it with. I'd already seen it, but I enjoyed it enough to see it again so I offered to go with her. I didn't think anything of it, wasn't a date, just two friends seeing a movie. Nothing weird about that.

I picked her up from her house and we parked outside the train station. We were running late and only just made it onto the platform before the train left. We realised we'd missed the first viewing we'd planned for, so we went to Nando's for some food while we waited. Yes, it was extra cheeky.

I can't remember whether we split the bill or I paid for it, but what I do remember is what I ordered, peri-salted chips (classic) and a wrap which I thought was medium. Keep it safe. Except that it wasn't. Or that's what I've been telling myself ever since. My mouth was on fire. Why was this happening? Could they have given me the wrong food?

"Everything okay?" she asked me.

"Yup, all good", I think I said back.

Unsurprisingly, everything was not all good. I could feel myself sweating and my nose started streaming for England. It always does this when I have spicy food. No idea why. But did I concede and admit I was struggling? Absolutely not. You best bet I fought my way through that chicken, trying not to make it obvious I was gulping a gallon of iced lemonade at a time. In hindsight, the peri-salted chips didn't help the situation at all, but I know what I like, alright!

The next issue didn't come from the food. I asked if she was enjoying her food in a vain attempt to take my mind off of my own; she was, thankfully, but then she added something along the lines of this:

"It's just a bit strange, as I've not been on a date in a while."

Oh no.

I'll be honest, I panicked having misread the situation and so changed the subject.

This then made the showing of GotG2 all the more stressful. Do I put my arm around her? No! You've already given out the wrong idea, you moron. Okay, no awkwardly long yawns, then.

Yes, believe it or not, I'm the asshole on this date.

Just to add to the list of failures for the day, we had to leave before the end of the film or we would've missed the last train back home. Not ideal in any case, but even worse if you're yet to watch the film properly. Good job, Peter.

I dropped her back home and that was that. Or so I thought; I had a letter from the council come through my letterbox some months later. It was a parking ticket as I hadn't paid. Great, turns out it wasn't free parking on Sundays. My own stupid fault. I should've known.

The unfortunate soul who had spent that evening with me felt bad and then offered to pay half the fine. Did I refuse that like you should do and pay for it myself? No, no I did not.

God, if there's anything we've learnt from this story is that you shouldn't date me. I'm a terrible human being.

The Follow Up

Sometime after that fine had been sorted, the same poor unfortunate friend offered me a free cinema ticket as she had two-for-one on her phone network (shoutout to EE). Sure, why not, we're still good friends, we've done this a few times now.

This time, we went to see the remake of Murder on the Orient Express. Not my usual cup of tea when it comes to movies, but to my surprise, it was brilliant. We went for dinner after at a restaurant in the business park the cinema was on; I made a conscious effort not to eat something spicy and regret it this time. Even better, dear readers, I paid! Look at me learning! Food and drinks all paid for by me. It went a lot better than the nightmare you have just read about.

Well, it was, until my car decided to die in the car park and not start. I managed to be entertaining enough to keep her happy for the hour-ish wait until my dad turned up. Not at all embarrassing being 21 years old and having to be rescued by your father. That felt great.

When we eventually got going again, we met my cars' worst enemy, hills. It's not a very powerful little thing and going up anything that even classes as an incline and my car develops negative horsepower. What didn't help was the jackass behind me, right up in my rear-view mirror. I'm an angry driver, and my friend found it incredibly funny how much grief I was giving this driver. I was partway through giving them one last mouthful of abuse as they overtook me when I realised something.

It was my dad's car.

The End

That concludes my worst date story. As I said at the start this is a competition that Vocal is running, so if you enjoyed the article please be sure to like it and share it around as much as you can!