What Do You Do When You Don't Know How to Date

I'm going on two decades now, and I've never been kissed. What a life.

The problem that arises now is that I don't know how to date. I've lived so much of my life now without ever having a partner that the idea of actually having one, well, it weirds me out. For the majority of my life I've been in love with celebrities such as Tom Holland, Ian Somerhalder, Benedict Cumberbatch, Harry Styles, Brendon Urie, Dylan O'Brien, etc. I could quite literally go on forever if I include all the fictional characters I've fallen in love with as well such as Percy Jackson, Eragon, Danny Phantom, Zuko, Rowan Whitehorn.

The only thing that they all have in common? They're all unattainable, each for different reasons, but all out of reach. Couple this with my deep-seated social anxiety, low key depression, introverted personality, and my expertise at being a hermit and/or antisocial, a partner has just never been in the cards for me. Now that I'm older, the idea of a partner no longer seems as unappealing as it once did, but now the question is how to get one. More importantly, do I even know how to have one?

I've been a loner for so long now, I don't know how to take in others' needs and opinions into account. The idea of having to do something because someone else wants to just to make them happy is so foreign, and if I'm being honest, a little more than a little unappealing. I don't want to have to worry about someone else's schedule, I can barely manage my own, and only with the help of my phone.

Despite all of this, having someone still seems appealing. If only I'd been socialized growing up maybe I wouldn't be having the problem that I'm currently having right now. As a kid growing up I was never allowed to go out, so I made do with my books and movies. Problem is, I never grew out of my books and movies. If anything, my obsession has just grown.

Now anyone that I meet that has potential has to deal with all the standards all of my actors, singers, and fictional characters have set. The bar is very high, I mean VERY high, and totally unrealistic. How do I find someone that looks like Chris Evans, treats me like Percy treats Annabeth, has the vocal range of Brendon Urie, and the charisma of Tom Holland?

It makes no sense, it's not a goal I'll ever be able to reach, and then there's the problem of my aversion to affection. I dream about a first kiss, then get grossed out when I really think about what it is that you're doing. Makes awesome sense doesn't it? I mean think about it, you're exchanging saliva with someone else, and you have no idea what's gone in their mouth that day! I whine and moan about being single, but the thought of being committed to someone makes me feel trapped. Not to mention the pain I already feel in my wallet from all the going out and gift buying that comes with a boyfriend.

I see friends that have been dating since middle school. They have it down, the routine, the expectations. I'm a firm believer that dating is a learned skill, and the younger you are the easier it will be once you're older and ready for something more serious. Why? Because as a kid you get to be stupid.

You're expected to be awkward, inexperienced, shy, and a little bit afraid. That's the time to make mistakes. The time to figure out what you like and really hone your "type." I currently don't even know if I have a type besides male, funny, and smart. Is that even a type? Highschool is the time to figure out how you work with someone else, I mean chances are you're probably never going to see them again 'til your reunion anyway so who cares?

I never did that. I wasn't allowed. By the time I was I was so deeply self-conscious with over active anxiety issues I shut down. I wouldn't go outside my friend group, meaning my one friend, and life just took a plummet. So this is how I ended here, two decades old without being kissed, and highly debating if I want to be.

Who am I kidding? If Tom Holland asked me out this second I'd say yes in a heartbeat?