Humans logo

What I Learned from My Failed Relationship

And honestly, I'm okay with that.

By Agnes HwangpoPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
Like

Let me introduce myself. My name is Agnes and I'm a 27-year-old woman that can count on her hand how many relationships I have had. Pretty sad, right? I haven't had that much luck on relationships and I haven't had much luck on guys either. This story isn't for some pity party, but this is something I need to write to tell someone what I've learned from it. What I learned about me and what I should be looking for in a relationship and also a partner. Let me just say, this will have a lot of cuss words in it.

1. Watch for the mood changes.

What I learned from it was, if the guy is getting mad all of a sudden, and he seems really unreasonable, and won't listen to your explanation, that's the sign that he's not really someone you want to be with. All relationships shouldn't have someone trying to guilt-trip you into feeling like you're not giving all into spending time with them. The one you're dating should be understanding that you have circumstances, issues, and/or things coming up that are not within your control. They should be understanding of things and that, as adults, we get busy and that you're not always going to be free to spend time with them.

2. If they buy you things, don't let them make you feel guilty over it.

This was the hardest thing I had to grasp. Whenever your SO buys you things, don't make him keep bringing it up. They should be willing to spend money on you without the guilt eating you up. They shouldn't get mad at you that they are spending money on you, when they are the ones that bought you the stuff. If they keep bringing it up and keep trying to make you feel guilty, don't keep dating that person. They are going to keep doing that and they won't change. (Trust me, I'm saying this from experience).

3. Don't be the only ones to make plans.

Oooh, this one makes me so mad!!! DO NOT LET THEM GIVE YOU THE EXCUSE OF, "OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE PLANS. I JUST LOVE GOING EVERYWHERE WITH YOU." If they are "so in love" with you, they should be willing to make the effort to spend time with you also. Don't let them try to make you be the sole plan maker. That's not your role in a relationship. Being in a relationship means it's a partnership. You give half and they give you half. It's a compromise! You shouldn't be the only one to make plans and you shouldn't be the one trying to get them out of their house. If they really, really, REALLY want to make things work with you, and want to really be boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/significant other, they would be willing to make plans to be with you and spend time with you.

4. Don't be an afterthought.

You shouldn't ever be just an afterthought, an acknowledgement, just a blip in their radar. They should be willing to talk with you, think about you, want to be with you EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I can't stress this enough. You shouldn't have to work, beg, or grovel for their time and effort. You shouldn't feel like you are alone when you are dating someone. You shouldn't have to feel like you are shit that they step on and wipe off in the grass. This is something I came to terms with when I was with him, but no more. I don't want to be someone that they can just forget and have him tell you "oh, sorry, I forgot about you," and neither should you! If he wanted to be with you, you should always be first—if not first, at least his second, not someone who is at the bottom of the list of how he should spend his time. You shouldn't also have to hear from him, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm just so busy" or "Man, I just wish I had ALL the time in the world to do what I need to do" or "Oh, I wish I can spend time with you, but I'm just SO busy doing this computer, I just don't have time for you." Fuck that shit, if he can't spare even a minute for you, kick him to the fucking curb.

And finally...

5. Don't let him treat you like shit and don't let him let his anger out on you.

YOU ARE NOT HIS PERSONAL PUNCHING BAG AND YOU ARE NOT HIS STRESS RELIEVER BALL. You shouldn't have to take it, and he shouldn't be either. Hearing his frustrations out and listening to his problems is ok, but if he tries to yell at you or even say it's all your fault, take him out of your life. It's not your fault and it's not your problem. He shouldn't be taking it out on you and he shouldn't be blaming you. He shouldn't also be mad at you just because you are being human and you were thinking like a normal human being. If they ever get mad at you, you tell him that you are not his personal punching bag and that he needs to take his tantrums somewhere else.

breakups
Like

About the Creator

Agnes Hwangpo

Just a single girl trying to figure out the mysteries of the world and life

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.