What I Need Them to Say

I've thought a lot about what I want people to say to me. I know I want them to say just the right thing, but I wouldn't know if they did. And I

should know, shouldn't I?

So I've done a lot of thinking about what I want people to tell me, and I think I want them to tell me that it will be okay. But I don't want just that. I want them to tell me that I'm allowed to be angry. I think I want them to tell me that no matter how many times I laughed it doesn't erase all the times I cried. That it shouldn't. That it never worked that way. I want someone to tell me that the good times do not justify the bad times.

I want somebody, anybody, even some stranger off the street to grab me by my shoulders and look me straight in my eyes and just say, "No matter how much they hugged you or told you they loved you or made you happy does not mean that they didn't or couldn't do the opposite."

Can someone just tell me that I have every right to be angry? That it's okay to want to destroy things. That's it's okay for me to want rip papers off the walls and dump out drawers and flip over tables just it spite of it all.

That it's okay to look through old pictures of them and letters from people I missed and still cry. That I can tell people that I still cry to this day about new and old things. Oh God, please tell me it's okay to do these things.

Please tell me it's okay to still want to love so much. I still want to melt into someone. I still want to press my hand between someone's shoulder blades. Tell me it makes me strong because most of the time I feel naive. Like I am just asking to get hurt again.

So if I want to love and get hurt, does that mean it's my fault again? Does "Fool me once shame on you but fool me twice shame on me" still apply? Please tell me that it doesn't. Please tell me that it isn't my fault. That it wasn't my fault this time and it wasn't my fault last time. Just tell me that means I must know what love is to try so hard. That somewhere along the line, I must have learned what it really was. Someone tell me that I just know how to love and that just means all this is so much greater. That I have made it this far by loving so much. I need someone to tell me to not give up on love. Someone needs to tell me that they saw true love once and it was the most beautiful thing they had.

Tell me that I am not naive for smiling when that boy calls. That I'm not dumb for wanting him and missing him when the moon leaves and I am stuck in real life without him. Even if they have to lie to me.

I need someone to tell me that I will not fall apart. I need them to say that I haven't yet and won't later. That time will not stop but it's better that way. If time stopped when we needed it, dinosaurs would be still roaming this planet. I need someone to tell me, "Happily ever after is just around the corner so go get it. Go chase it. You got this. You always have."