Humans logo

What I've Learned as a Newlywed

And the Expectations People Have of Us

By Alix NicolePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
Like

On August 16, 2017, I married my best friend and love of my life. This day was almost five years in the making. It was nothing special; just my grandparents, a couple of our friends, and just us two. Would I have loved a big wedding? Oh yeah but you know what? It doesn't matter. I still got to marry my best friend in the whole world and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for us.

With that being said, I have learned that marriage is not all that it's cracked up to be. I have learned within the four months that I've been married that it takes a lot of work on both sides. You love each other but there are times when we hate each other. Not because we actually do, it's just that sometimes compromising is hard, especially when you have two stubborn people like my husband and I. We were both raised differently. The way we do things are different and when you're stubborn, it's difficult. It takes a lot of compromising to make things work in a marriage as I have learned. Before I was married, I was pretty much able to do whatever I wanted despite the fact that I was in a relationship. But now whatever I do and the decisions I make affect my husband, too. And it's also the same for him; whatever decisions he makes affect me as well and so making even the smallest decisions can affect a marriage.

As a wife it is also difficult to not cross certain lines, especially with my in-laws. There's times when I want to step in, but I know there are certain boundaries I shouldn't cross, as I've learned recently. There's also times when my husband is stressed and I want to do everything as a wife to help him and give him peace of mind, but I know some things are out of my control and I have to learn to accept that. My husband is learning his role as well so we're both learning at the moment so we're both growing together. He still struggles to think like a married man, as I still struggle to think like a wife. It's not like I can walk away from it so easily. My husband and I both made a commitment to make this marriage work on our wedding day and that is exactly what we plan to do. Lines may be crossed and tempers may flare but at the end the day we know that we love each other and we couldn't imagine our lives without each other in it.

There also seems to be expectations of us as a newlywed couple. An example would be starting a family. When we hit our three month mark of being married, everybody started asking me if I was pregnant or thinking about starting a family. It seems that when a couple is newly married, there seems to be an expectation of being pregnant right away or at least trying to start a family right away. And when I tell people, "No, I'm not pregnant," or that my husband and I are waiting to start a family, people look at me like I'm stupid or something. I don't get it. What's wrong with waiting to start a family?

Why are my husband and I waiting to start a family? The answer is simple. We're not ready to start a family quite yet. We're not ready mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Yes, we have a dog. But that's different. If my husband and I got pregnant right now, more than likely it would put a strain on our marriage, something we don't need right at the beginning of it. It would put a huge financial strain on us as well, since we made very bad financial decisions when we were in college that I'm not going to really delve into. It would be hard to provide the baby with everything it needs. My husband and I are also still selfish. We wouldn't be able to give up things that we like to be able to take care of this baby properly. I'm talking about things like going out with friends, going on dates, stuff like that. My husband and I are just too selfish to give all of that up right now. We would rather start a family when we are mentally and financially ready. And honestly? We're too young to have kids right now. We have plenty of time for that. Right now we just want to enjoy being married to each other, and we have Lucy for practice. So we're not really missing out on anything by not starting a family.

If anything, we've grown and matured together. I've been with my husband since I was 17-years-old. I honestly didn't think I would be married at 22, seeing as how I was against marriage for a long time since my parents separated before I was even five. But meeting my husband changed that. And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with my partner in crime, my best friend, and the love of my life.

marriage
Like

About the Creator

Alix Nicole

24 year old doggy mommy to an an adorable 2 year old Shiba Inu named Lucy. Loves history, loves to write and relax while enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.