What I Want My Beautiful, Single Best Friend To Know

We're at brunch in a place with rustic wooden tables and hanging mason jars with fake carnations hanging in them.

You're swirling your mimosa in your right hand, and looking down at your phone, waiting for a text that won't come. You put your thumb over your iPhone to unlock it, and I see you swiping left, right, up, searching for something you have not been able to find yet.

You do it for almost 30 seconds straight, and then you look up. Your eyes widen, as if you have forgotten time existed for just that small window.

"I'm so sorry," you tell me. I am not upset at all.

But my heart is breaking for you.

It's been four years since your last relationship, and two years since I've been watching you search.

And search.

And search.

And so I have I, but I learned what I was looking for was something in myself, and once I found it, I started smiling again. What I wanted was never in anyone else. What I needed was to love myself.

Sitting across the table, I see you decked in a gorgeous chiffon top. Your acrylic nails are done beautifully. Your extensions look great. Your false lashes make you look like a doll, and it all looks great.

I can notice the 12 pounds you have lost. But I can also notice your sadness.

You have spent so much money and time on makeup and losing weight. On your hair and your clothes. Every time before we go out, you look at me, your head tilted, and ask, "How do I look?"

I want to tell you this:

You are so beautiful, and not because of the clothes you have on or our weight or how shiny your hair is. I think you're beautiful because you have goals and dreams. You are beautiful because you care about people, and because you do this weird thing when you laugh that's kind of like a snort. I think you're beautiful because I have seen you be vulnerable, though you won't let anyone else see it. You are loyal and unique. You are smart and driven. Your are funny and loving to those around you.

I want to tell you this every time a guy takes you out and then two weeks later makes you feel like you weren't good enough because he stops calling you.

I want to tell you this every time you try and get your hands on weight loss supplements because being size 5 makes you think you are unlovable.

I want to tell you this every time you fall hard for someone and he stabs you in the back after promising to be there for you.

I want to tell you this every time you feel down on yourself because you are 27 and single while all of your friends are married.

I hope you find a guy who will see these things in you.

I hope you find a guy who appreciates these things in you.

More importantly, though, I hope you will see these things in yourself.

I know you are searching. We are all searching, and just when we think we might have it all figured it out, it's taken from us. It falls apart. It crumbles and we try and save it. Then we start to search again.

I want you to find the love you are looking for in yourself. I want you to know that you are a beautiful human being who any guy would be lucky to have.

I want to tell you, and tell you, and tell you.

But you must listen, first.