What Is Pride?

What is pride? What does it mean to have pride? It’s funny how I don’t consider myself a prideful person. There might be pride in me, but with the people I’m surrounded by, I feel overshadowed by the amount of pride I’m exposed to. This allows me to express myself in other ways, from empathy to respect. I appreciate so many people that are able to show their pride in whatever way they do.

Ever since I was little, I would always watch other people and see how they react and learn from their surroundings. I would either mimic or adhere my personality to match theirs in order to gain acceptance because at that age, I thought that is what people did. Learning about who I am wasn’t something I considered when I was young because at the time, I was just trying to fit in and figure out what worked and what didn’t. That aside, bullies and rejection were things that were really common for me, so much so that it hindered my learning and my growth as an individual. This was scary for me because I had felt the most lonely and isolated, which you would think would make me stronger and more resilient to things like negative feedback and rejection, but it affected me more negatively.

Being silent and avoiding contact and verbal interactions with people regardless if they had good intent or not, throughout elementary school I went through all of this without any support from family, and I lacked friends. Like every other person who went through something similar, I thought I was alone and wasn’t validated by anyone. In doing so, I developed a sort of imaginary friend, let’s call them my conscience. They would be the one who helped interpret my choices and experiences. By developing this sort of ideal, I would learn to acknowledge the people and world around me in order to place myself into society so I could grow and know what being a kid full of negativity and with no support is like.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was not putting up an act, because it was a coping mechanism and a way of life that I have adhered to as a way to make sense of the things that happened in my life. Of course, I would stick to my studies and try to stay away from trouble while dealing with bullies, and I would allow myself to be the victim of the various things that no kid should be exposed to. I became someone who had little to no identity and self-confidence. When I said I allowed myself, I mean that I didn’t deliberately put myself in harm's way, but I acknowledge that I had opportunities to avoid my circumstances while learning techniques to create a better life for me growing up, but at the time, I had no concept of that. That being said, I slowly developed a confidence in my ability to understand people and help myself by helping them.

This epiphany that I had didn’t occur to me until midway in high school where the bullies were no longer an issue as much as they were in elementary school. I was more conscious of my surroundings and more focused on my studies (which made sense due to college) and developing friendships. I wanted to learn how to be a friend to people so I can surround myself with those who can motivate and push me to be better than than the person I was becoming. While learning the tools that would probably not be used after school, I found what it means to be with the people who support each other and whom we can learn things from.

So we go back to the beginning. I’m I a prideful person? To be honest, I do have pride. I am proud that I am the person who learns from others, has empathy for the people I associate myself with. I’m proud to have the ability to love and honor the people I used to communicate with because they are the people who helped shape who I am today. Of course I have weaknesses, but that just means I have another chapter to grow as a person and share who I am with the world, because what makes me unique is that I can help others become who they want to be, but don’t have the tools or chance to do so yet. My version of pride is to find who you are and surround yourself with people who not only accept you, but push you to be better than who you are.