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What It's like Being Gay in a Small Northwestern Ontario City

Just From What I've Experienced

By James DeschutterPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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I'm openly gay and have been since I was 17. Before that, I used to identify as bisexual from the time I was 13. Y'know, dated a few girls and only had one boyfriend that lasted a month but then took some time and figured out who I was and went from there. But honestly, being gay in a small town really sucks, especially when you're in the middle of nowhere.

For those who don't know, Ontario is Canada's largest province and approximately 13.6 million people call this wonderful and bone chilling province their home. Sounds like a lot of people, right? Well, there's a lot of people who live down in southern Ontario, which pretty much is just Toronto, Ottawa, Niagra Falls; and the little cities like Sarnia, Belleville, Kitchener, a bunch of other places that there are way too many of to name.

And then you get to where I'm from, with is Northwestern Ontario, and pretty much the only place you're going to find another gay guy is Thunder Bay and the closest town to where you're going to find another gay guy is Dryden, which is about a solid three and a half hour drive into the middle of nowhere on the way to Manitoba.

There is about a 90 percent chance you've talked with everyone in your city on a dating app when you live in a city of this size. You can't even go to a bar without seeing at least one person from a dating or hookup app and you give each other that awkward "hey, I know you: head nod while simultaneously thinking, "Please god, don't come talk to me. I really don't wanna talk to you." But I digress.

You can't even find a decent person to go out for coffee with because you wind up with a couple of different kind of people up here.

1. The Guys Who've Been Using Grindr Since It Came Out

Now this is anyone who's been eighteen since 2008 or anyone who was basically legal at the time. They've talked to each other, fooled around with most of the older guys in town, and generally think they know what's best for themselves and tell the younger population to grow up before going to play with the big boys.

2. The Underage No Age

I feel bad for a lot of young gay people in the world because unless you're willing to come out at 13/14, you're not going to have much luck finding guys to date or go out with. There's sixteen-year-olds who download Grindr because they want a boyfriend but they don't realize the repercussions that can be out not only onto themselves but also the guys they are talking to. In short, don't download a dating/hookup app until you're of legal age. You'll get blocked and reported and if it hasn't changed since I was a kid, your device will get blocked from being able to open the app.

3. The Sex Addicts

These people don't really want to date and get to know you. They will message you asking you if you wanna fool around within the first four messages and then if you don't want to, they'll call you names and block you.

I had a really bad case of strep throat once and a guy was asking me to go over to his house to fool around and I told him I didn't want to because I had strep throat. He tried to say that fellatio would help massage my throat and help the strep throat go away quicker. With some quick Googling, apparently giving head while you have strep throat can actually make a man's penis have symptoms similar to that of chlamydia or gonorrhea, I can't quite remember. Either way, I told him this and he just said "Fine, your loss" and blocked me. These guys just want to hookup. Honest advice, if you want to hookup or you are this guy:

  • don't get attached
  • don't hope for anything more
  • get tested regularly

4. The Ones Who Want a Relationship

Wait, I actually made this a category?

I'm just kidding.

There are a few people out there who actually do strive to be in a relationship. They come few and far between but they're out there and sometimes you just have to give them a chance. Yeah, they might not be "your type of guy" but you'd be surprised what giving someone a chance or two can give you. My first boyfriend, we dated for two years and he was not my type at all. But low and behold, we dated for a long while and even though we're not together anymore, we're still friends. But that's the thing, I'm not saying go out for someone you have no interest in whatsoever. But you should give someone a chance even if they're not your ideal type.

Now I mean, this is just a rough sketch of a couple of guys I've run into over my 22 years on this planet and not everyone is going to be like this. But seriously if you're going to take anything away from this, I hope it includes the following.

  • Make sure you love yourself before trying to be in a relationship with someone.
  • Don't try to get into a relationship. They generally find you when you're least expecting it.
  • Don't be the guy who ghosts people after sleeping with them.
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